Oh so this is love
by Broadwaymania
Summary: A LAMS au love story "What is love?" That is the question Alexander Hamilton is unable to answer. To be honest... who can blame him? How can someone like him ever be able to experience love? Maybe John Laurens can teach Alexander a thing or two about love. [[ warning: smut ]]
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there. I know I'm late but I want to write a Hamilton story so what the heck. For those who do not know what Hamilton is, it is an amazing musical brought by Lin-Manuel Miranda about the life of one of America's founding fathers, Alexander Hamilton. Of course the characters do not belong to me.**

**I may or may not have some grammar errors. English it's not my first language, but I'll do my best.**

**Hope you like this story.**

**_**

**_-Flashback begins-_**

**Third Person's POV**

_She shivered violently in the humid room as she looked at her twelve year old son cry. Her heart aching at the sound of every sob that left her infant's mouth._

_"Alexander...please don't cry"_

_"M-m-mom" the small boy was a sobbing mess seeing his mother bed-ridden, so deep in ten shades of agony. A sight that no child deserves to see._

_"Will you do something for me dear?" She asked ignoring the unimaginable headache that threaten to push her off her limits._

_"Y-yes, mom whatever you need" Alexander replied._

_"Alex promise your mother that you will always cherish the things you have whether they are big or small and also cherish the people around you... Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory" she said her voice getting weaker by each second._

_The small boy nodded. "I-I promise mom"_

_She smiled. Her face was pale, her lips dry, but even in the unbearable pain her sad smile never left her mouth. Maybe to somehow comfort her son. Or maybe to make this moment easier for herself. We might never know._

_"Your mom loves you Alex, I'm sorry I have to leave you so soon, I wish I could have seen you grow up. I will miss you" she said, her voice becoming raspy._

_He held her hand as tight as he could "Don't say that mom, y-you will be okay, please don't leave me"_

_She caressed his cheek with her shaky hand. Her brown eyes that once sparkled with life and beauty expressed nothing but sadness and sickness."I love you Alexander..." and with those four words she died in front of his eyes._

**_-End of Flashback-_**

**Alexander's POV**

"ARRGHH--" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Inmediately I checked my surroundings finding myself in my neatly organized bedroom.

I sighed in relief. Then dried the tears on my eyes that threaten to spill.

It was a just nightmare.

I stretched my arms and legs so my tense muscles would relax.

I hate getting flashbacks from things I don't want to remember. The moment my mother died... I wish I could erase that memory from my head. That horrible memory that distorted the image of my mother's delicate self.

She was a beautiful woman senteced to live a miserable life and die in horrible conditions. Death wasn't kind. I knew that. It snatched where it could, taking people who were far too young, far too good. It didn't pretend to care, it didn't pretend to distinguish. Death doesn't discriminate between the sinner and the saints it just takes and it takes and it takes.

The hooded vale of death had hung over the world for a long time, always threatening. It had sometimes touched me quite so close. Death had ripped away a part of me, the part of me that was most loved.

Now I would sit staring for hours. My face sunken and haunted, my mind cold and empty. The more the years went on, the more my town seemed to become like me. Many were snatched away, and those that were left would wish it was them. The world had gone cold, because of the plague that was death. That's why I left that horrible place.

I'm not proud of where I come from and I never will. I'm always hiding my past, making sure nobody finds out more than what I show about me. I wasn't always this way though. I really tried to accept my past and move on but nobody seemed care or try to accept me for who I am. Well it kinds of make sense because nobody likes a... how do people call me? Oh right, a 'Bastard, orphan, son of a whore'. I hated those people so much for judging me based on my family background. And even more for calling my mother a whore.

I stopped explainning myself to them when I realized people only understand from their level of perception.

Anyway, today is my first day attending to King's College. One of the most prestigious colleges in New York City. You may be wondering, how come an orphan immigrant out of nowhere is today about to attend to this top college? Well, the thing is, I'mma smart ass. I problably shouldn't brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish. I've got a lot of brain but no polish.

An important person with influence recognized my exceptional qualities and gave me a scholarship to King's College plus enough money to get out of the shitty place I come from and go to the 'big apple'. New York City.

I'm actually excited about it. A new beginning in a new country where nobody knows me. Sounds refreshing to me.

Another thing you should know about me is that since I was a kid I've always been interesed in politics and law. The moment I stepped on New York I promised myself I'll protect my mother's legacy by becoming a successful lawyer.

I also love writting. In my head writting is an exploration, in which you start from nothing and learn as you go. It pretty much describes my situation, me starting with nothing but a piece of paper and a pencil, then receiving a scholarship to a famous college. I know that whenever I feel bad or my mood is kind of blue, I can always rely on writting.

After I was fully awake I took a quick shower then put some clothes on, a simple blue shirt with black jeans, nothing too fancy yet comfortable. I drank my usual cup of coffee with a piece of bread. Enough to satisfy my hunger. It is not that I have no money but I can't spend my scholarship money on expensive breakfasts.

I checked the time.

It was 8:00 am. Great my first day and I'm late. My first class starts...well started at 7:30 am.

"Shiit"

I got my stuff (papers and such), locked my apartament and waved the closest cab.

**-Time skip-**

Staring at the ground I walked through the campus. Nobody seemed to care that I was unfamiliar. Nobody seemed to care that I was unusual. Nobody seemed to even notice me. I had to take a glance down to make sure I was still there; that I hadn't turned invisible. Nope -still there. I liked it that way. I had once been told that I had the kind of face you forget even when looking directly at it. Good. I didn't want to be remembered. Attention had brought me only trouble in the past, so I did my best to dissolve into my surroundings. I had a smile plastered across my face. This college would be a fresh, new, normal start. I was finally happy. Until I remembered I was late.

Way to ruin my mood.

I was finally at the entrance of my class at 8:30 am. Yup an hour late.

By slightly knocking the side of the door I tried to get the teacher's attention, Mr. Washington, who was giving a lecture about some fundaments of politics.

"At last you have finally arrived" Mr. Washington said. I caught a bit of anger in his tone. I hope I'm wrong.

"I'm sorry for being late I-"

"Your name?" He asked.

"Alexander Hamilton Sir. " I said

"Hamilton the new transfer student?"

"Yes Sir."

"Alright I'll let this one slide because you are new here but from now on make sure to get here on time understood?" he said in a firm tone.

I nodded.

"Now go find a seat"

"Thank you, Sir" I said and walked to the only empty seat left.

After sitting comfortably on the plastic chair I turned my head to my right side to find a curly-haired guy sitting next to me. Staring at me to be exact.

His eyes were green. The kind of green that pushed its way through the piles of gritty snow to remind you that spring was coming. The kind of green that budded on the prisoners of winter, bringing life back to their branches. That churning, passionate green that the ocean turns during a storm. That colour of the forest after it rains. The colour of the tadpoles making ripples in the pond. That green colour that brings hope and life no matter what has happened. And looking into those eyes, I could see it. Underneath those green eyes his cheeks and neck were dappled with many hues of brown, freckles, as chaotic as the fall leaves. His curly hair the colour of sun-bleached wood. There are some dark streaks for sure but the pale browns dominate, not pale enough to be blonde and without any golden hues.

But wait why is he staring at me? Do I have something on my face?

He realized I noticed his staring and quickly looked away. Slightly blushing.

He's cute. I thought.

Without any further thinking I stretched my hand towards him.

"My name's Alexander Hamilton" I said with a friendly smile.

He took my hand "I'm John Laurens. Nice to meet you." He said with an interesting southern accent "I heard you are new here" he said.

"Yes I just transfered"

"Oh where are you from?" He asked curious.

"Unimportant, there is a million things I haven't done, but just you wait" I said trying to avoid the subject.

He must have gotten the clue because he did not insist.

"Cool" he smiled "I hope you accomplish all of them"

A half smile spreads across my face. Usually people tell me I'm weird. He must be really something.

My thoughts were interrupted by Mr. Washington's stern voice, "Attention students. Today we will do a freestyle rap about a cabinet meeting between the founding fathers Lin-manuel Miranda and Daveed Diggs" Mr. Washington announced. "Who would like to volunteer?"

Nice. This is my opportunity to prove my skills.

I raised my hand. "I'd like to play as Lin-manuel Miranda Sir"

I respect Mr. Miranda a lot. He played an important role in the American Independence. He fought for what he believed and made honor to his legacy. I even heard that there was a broadway musical about his life's highlights. I hope I get to see it. Mr. Miranda is one of the reasons why I like politics and history so much.

"The new guy huh? I didn't expect that. I like your courage. I was just like you when I was younger" Mr. W said with a nostalgic smile "Now who wants to play as Daveed Diggs?"

A guy with a curly afro hairstyle raised his hand.

"Thomas Jefferson, thank you for volunteering"

"I won't miss this opportunity" said the guy whose name I assume is Thomas.

"Now come on up boys and we shall begin. I will play as President Christopher Jackson" said Mr. Wahington montioning us to go across the room towards him.

I was standing up when John took hold of my wrist.

The feeling of his hand against my skin brought shivers throughtout my spine. But I ignored it.

"Hey, are you sure you want to do this? Thomas...uhm he's not the kind of guy you want to have on your bad side" John said. I could tell he was worried.

That Thomas guy must be someone you don't want to pick a fight with. But I won't throw away my shot because of him

"Don't worry. I may be new here but I know how to give a fight" I said as I gave him a wink.

Thomas and I stood by opposite sides of the classroom. Mr. Washington in the middle.

Mr. W- "You could have been anywhere in the world but you are here with us in New York City. Are you ready for a cabinet meeting?"

Our classmates cheered. Including John. I hope I give him a good first impression

Mr.W- "The issue on the table, France is on the verge of war with England

And do we provide aid and troops to our French allies

Or do we stay out of it, remember

My decision on this matter is not subject to congressional approval

The only person you have to convince is me

Secretary Diggs, you have the floor, sir"

Thomas- "When we were on death's door, when we were needy

We made a promise, we signed a treaty

We needed money and guns and half a chance

Oh Who provided those funds?"

James- "France"

Thomas- "In return, they didn't ask for land

Only a promise that we'd lend a hand

And stand with them if they fought against oppressors

And revolution is messy but now is the time to stand

Stand with our brothers as they fight against tyranny

I know that Lin-Manuel Miranda is here and he

Would rather not have this debate

I'll remind you that he is not Secretary of State

He knows nothing of loyalty

Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty

Desperate to rise above his station

Everything he does betrays the ideals of our nation"

Crowd- "Oohhh"

Thomas- "Hey, and if ya don't know, now ya know, Mister President"

Mr.W- "Thank you, Secretary Diggs"

"Secretary Miranda, your response"

Alexander- "You must be out of your Goddamn mind! if you think

The President is gonna bring the nation to the brink

Of meddling in the middle of a military mess

A game of chess, where France is Queen and Kingless

We signed a treaty with a King whose head is now in a basket

Would you like to take it out and ask it?

Should we honor our treaty, King Louis' head

Uh do whatever you want, I'm super dead!"

Mr.W- "Enough, Miranda is right"

Thomas- "Mister President--"

Mr.W- "We're too fragile to start another fight"

Thomas- "But sir, do we not fight for freedom?"

Mr.W- "Sure, when the French figure out who's gonna lead 'em

Thomas- "The people are leading"

Mr.W- "The people are rioting

There's a difference, frankly

It's a little disquieting you would let your ideals blind you to reality, Miranda"

Alex- "Sir"

Mr. W- "Draft a statement of neutrality

The room filled with our classmates' claps

"Good job you two." Mr.W said to both of us. Then he turned his attention to Thomas.

"Jefferson, your individual performance...it wasn't what I was waiting for. I know you can do better. Be more flexible. Maybe you can learn a thing or two from Hamilton" said Mr. Washington.

Thomas looked at me with disgust.

I guess he's a bad loser.

"Tsk. Let's get out of here James" said the curly haired guy as he bitterly walked towards the door. He left the classroom followed by another guy who I suppose is James.

I don't have a good feeling about those two.

I turned my eyes to Mr. Washington, waiting for his review om my individual performance.

"Hamilton, I'm amazed by your skills and courage. I look foward to see what you have for us next" Mr. Washington said with a smile.

I left out a sigh of relief.

"I'm proud of you son" he said

I put on a fake smile

**_-Flashback-_**

**Third person's POV**

_"Dad...where are you going?" The small boy asked._

_"Alex... I know it is going to be hard. But I'm going to be away for a while" he answered_

_"Where are you going Daddy?"_

_"Son.. No matter what happens always listen to your mother okay? You are a strong and smart boy and do not ever let anyone make you think otherwise." He said, a bitter sweet smile making its way on his face. Whether it was a real smile or not the naive boy couldn't figure it out._

_"Where are you going" Alex insisted._

_"I'll be back before you know it" and with that said the stern man made his way to the door of the small house his humble family lived in. He looked hesitant when he reached for the doorknob. As if knowing that once he opened the door he wouldn't be able to look back . As if there was something that he wanted to say before saying goodbye._

_"I'm proud of you son." He said his hand still honding the doorknob and slowly turning it. Without looking back he walked out the house._

_Alex never saw him again._

_Alexander and his mother waited...and waited...and waited but he never came back._

**_-End of Flashback-_**

**Back to Alex's POV**

Ugh, why am I thinking about him. It must be because of that nighttmare.

"Thank you Sir" I lowered my head and walked back to my seat.

For the rest of the lecture I couldn't look up at Mr. Washington's face. He somehow remembers me of my father. I wish these painful memories were just the same as nightmares so they'd vanish when I'm awake. I wish I could put them in the garbage can where they belong and forget. Or better yet bury them deep underground. I'm told that our brains are hardwired from caveman times to remember the bad stuff more to help keep you alive. Which is ironic, really.

I shouldn't let this distract me. I hope he never calls me 'son' again.

Suddendly I felt someone tapping my shoulder.

"Are you okay Alex?" John asked, his eyes flickered with concern.

I must look pathetic right now.

"I'm fine" I forced a smile.

"Okay.." He frowned then changed the subject. He knew I was lying but he didn't want to make me uncomfortable.

"You did great up there. I feel like the new guy next to you" he joked

"Thank you John. You should see me when I really get competitive. I'm Non-Stop"

"Woah If I ever get to see that side of you, I hope I'm not your rival"

"Don't worry, I'd have mercy on you anyway" I said as I winked at him jokingly.

A light shade of pink decorated his cheeks. Adorable

"Hey... uhm if you want, since you are new here I could show you around" He said kind of nervous.

"Sure I'd love that" I replied.

"Great! See you at the campus coffee house by 2pm?"

"Deal" I agreed.

We then kept listenning to Mr. W's lecture. I didn't pay much attention because I already knew most of the topic he was talking about. I was a book worm afterall. Instead, my thoughts drifted to the freckled boy next to me.

It is not everyday that I can symphatize with people. Actually most people dislike me because of my 'intense' personality. I don't blame them though. All that I've gone through made me this way.

Since the day my mother died I decided I would do whatever it takes to accomplish my dreams. Even if it means playing dirty or leaving people behind. I know I sound like a horrible person but everything in life that matters requires risks. And I'm willing to take them.

That's one of the reasons why I was never interesed in relationships. I know that if I ever date someone. I would end up hurting them.

Reason two being that I never truly believed in love. Love is selfish, making you feel all kinds of weird sensations, distracting you from what it's really important. When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake.

You love unconditionally without expecting anything in return. For me that's nothing but foolishness.

But what do I know. I'm just an orphan. The only type of love I've got to experience was my parents' love before they left me. Especially my mother's. Everyday she did her best to show me how much she loved me. She worked so hard... Even when she died. Her last breath was my name.

If my father hadn't left, my mother wouldn't have passed away. When he left. My heartbroken mother fell ill. And he wasn't there to support her.

Is that the kind of love everyone talks about? I doubt it. But if you ask me, that's what 'love' is to me.

At some point I even gave up in making friendships. I've endured the worst times in my life alone. I don't need anyone. But this freckled guy next to me.. John... he is different. There was something about him that made me want to get close to him. There was something about the kindness in his smile, a gentleness. It was the smile of one who laughed with ease and saw person under the behaviour, a soul-connector. He was the kind of person who lived how he believed people should, as if he were sunshine that only radiated from the best aspects of those he met, their flaws entirely invisible to his gaze. He was a calm sea, dancing birdsong and the new buds of spring. I know I just met him but I can tell he's not the type of person that would stab you on the back.

I don't believe in love at first sight. I think it is just a chessy term made to spice things up on soap operas. But...even if it is against my principles.. I may or may not have a tiny little crush on John.

I mean who wouldn't fall for those fascinating green eyes and breathtaking smile. Those adorable freckles and that wild curly hair barely being held in a messy ponytail.

Maybe...just maybe he could show me what love is. I wonder if that will ever be possible. I mean.. Am I allowed to love?

A noise coming from one of the girls dropping her water bottle brought me back to reality. I shouldn't get distracted.

I should focus on the lecture.

**I did not specified Alexander's nor John's age. I'd rather not. But keep in mind that John and Herc are about a year or two older than Alex.**

**Also Laff is slightly younger than Alexander. Also in terms of height Laffayete is the tallest followed by Herc then Alexander and last but not least John.**

**So that's it for Chapter 1.**

**There are more things to come so I hope you keep reading !**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alex's POV**

I was at the campus cafe waiting for John.

My eyes wandered around the place. The tiny cafe huddled despondent among the huge city buildings. Washed out under the overcast sky, it hunched in itself, fighting against the drizzle. Hundreds of people rushed by it, outside on the crowded street. The half a dozen customers glanced up as the door swung open, heralded by a blast of cold wind. Unlike the outside, the interior of the café was warm and cheery, with bright lights and colourful walls. It was an enjoyable place. It showed off an artistic vibe. The smell of freshly made coffee, the beautiful pieces of art hanging from the walls.

I'm kind of a big fan of art too. Althought writting takes up most of my time, I really enjoy to visit art museums and just look at paintings for hours. Sometimes a painting could express how you are feeing at a given moment better than any words can. As if art speaks where words are unable to explain.

Well going back to the lovely cafe. It was the perfect place to relax and maybe read a book or two. I should come back here someday.

Then I saw John enter accompained by... two other guys?

We locked our eyes. He smiled and walked towards me. Followed by the other two boys.

"Hi Alex, I hope you didn't wait for too long" John said "These are my friends Lafayette and Herc-"

"HERCULES MULLIGAN I NEED NO INTRODUCTION" shouted the guy with the bandanna on his forehead.

I wonder if he introduces himself like that everytime. I saw John roll his eyes.

" oui oui mon ami je m'appelle Lafayette" (yes yes my friend my name is Lafayette) said the caramel-skin color guy who was obviously french.

Good thing I'm fluent in french

"Ravi de vous rencontrer, mon nom est Alexander" (Nice to meet you, my name is Alexander).

"Nice, fluent in french huh? you are just as great as little Jhonny here described you" Lafayette said and winked at John who was by now blushing.

So, John talked about me?

"Laff!!" John shouted/said in embarrassment.

I blushed a little at the thought.

"You are also great John, and cute" I said unconsciously. My mouth working faster than my head. As you may notice I always say what I believe even when I shouldn't. Soon this attitude may be my doom.

"Thank you.." he said as he looked away. His cheeks tainted pink.

"I'm sorry to interrup this" Hercules smirked "but my boyfriend and I have to get to class now" he said.

"Oui. It was nice meeting you Alex. See you around" Lafayette smiled at me and took Herc's hand "let's go chère"

They left the coffee house holding hands. They were nice, I hope I can get to be their friend.

I turned my gaze to John "Would you like me to order something for you?" I asked him.

"Hmm a white chocolate mocha would be nice" John replied.

So he likes sweet things huh?

"Sure I'll get it for you. Wait for me" I said and headed to the counter.

**John's POV**

Oh my god he's so hot. God if I wasn't already gay. I'd be gay for him. Handsome boy, does he know it? That long brown hair tied in a perfect ponytail and those dark mysterious eyes full of determination. They were a deep, earthy brown - the color of the earth after torrential rains. But there was something else in them, something glistening. Glistening like an old copper penny being examined in the warmth next to powerful flames that were licking the safety glass door of an old fireplace. They held secrets, the same way a pot holds layers of deep soil- cradling- because it is essential to keep the plant safe. The roots are held in place the same way his dark, liquidy eyes held so tightly onto his secrets.

Since the moment I saw him I felt something new and exciting inside me. I hadn't felt this way in a long time. I can tell that he's not someone you find in the street everyday. He's special.

The way he bravely volunteered for that cabinet meeting thing...I would have never had the guts to do something like that.

He's so unpredictable yet trustable. He gaves me this feeling of wanting to discover new sides of him.

I suggested to show him around but my main goal was to spend more time with him.. I really want to get close to him.

**Back to ma boi Alex's POV**

I ordered the white chocolate mocha John asked for and an expresso, my favorite.

"I'm back" I said and handed him his mocha

"Thank you oh- here's the money" he hurriedly touched his pockets in search for his wallet.

"No need. This one goes on me. As a thanks for being so nice to me"

"Thank you." John said as he scratched the back of his neck. Then he pointed at my drink "an expresso?"

"Yes. It is my favorite. It helps me to stay awake when I have to stay up all night" Without a conscious thought my hand brings the expresso to my mouth and the first sip creeps over my taste-buds and down my throat.

"Why would you pull an all-nighter?" He asked. Tilting his head to the side just little bit. Like how a child would do.

"Well I usually just write all night. You know writting is one of my passions" I felt my eyes lit up as those words left my mouth.

"Oh what do you write about?" He asked.

"Basically about everything I see or feel. I also do poetry. I even have a journal full of all the poems and letters I've written since I was 14" I said with a proud tone in my voice. That old journal is the only thing I've kept from my hometown. Even though it holds some hard memories, thanks to it I was able to come to NYC. The important person who gave me the scholarship read it and became fascinated by my writting skills. Therefore he offered me the opportunity to attend to King's College in order to make a good use of my talents.

I focused my attention to John who seemed lost in thought. He then looked at me with a cheeky smile "Oh~ So is it kind of like a diary?" he said jokingly with a smirk.

"Journal!" I hissed slightly embarrassed.

"Alex has a diary ~~" joked John

We looked at each other and bursted out in laugher. I couldn't help but notice the cute smile decorating his cheeks as he laughed. People think of laughing as a noise that comes from the mouth, but when John laughed it was nothing like that. The laugh was in his eyes, in the way his face changed into that vision of relaxed joy and unrestrained mirth. Yet truly, it wasn't in his face either. His laugh came from within, it was just the way he was wired. People like him just have more flexible brains, like all that humour bubbling around in him was like yoga for the synapses. Just being around him for a few minutes was better than a whole day of self-absorbed pampering in some all-day-spar. Just the sound of his gales, his snickers, his giggles, was enough to transport me far far away from my worries and the tension this modern life.

"From your collection of poems, do you have a favorite one?", asked John after his laugher had died out

"I do! From all the ones I've written I'm proud to say my favorite one is titled The Story of Tonight, I remember I wrote it when I was feeling a sense of freedom"

"Awesome! I would love to read it if I'm given the chance" his eyes sparked with excitenment

"Sure. I'll show it to you someday" I replied with just as much enthusiasm

.

.

We spent most of the day at the cafe talking.

I discovered many things about John.

He's from South Carolina, him and his family moved to New York city when he was 12. He had a younger sister named Martha.

He dislikes coffee. Something I can't understand to be honest. He likes to draw, his favorite food are cinnamon rolls and his dream is to inspire people just like the revolutionary american soldier, Anthony Ramos did.

I've not heard much about that Ramos guy but it looks like he had great ideals. Such as the abolism of slavery. He never got to see his dream come true because he died but John respects him for standing up for people who couldn't and speak against slavery

"The beauty of standing up for your rights is, others see you standing and stand up as well" John said.

He also has this strange obsession with turtles. I think it is adorable though.

We didn't talk as much about me because you know.. I'm trying to have a low key profile so I tried to avoid any personal questions that involved my background but because I didn't want to be too obvious or seem suspicious I made up a quick lies hinting that I was born in New York and had a regular family just like everyone else.

But even though half of what I said about me were lies I still enjoyed to have a conversation with me. It was odd for me to make a connection so fast, to give my trust so easily, tentative though it was. There was something in the way he smiled, a warmth, a genuineness, a softness of spirit I just couldn't pass up. He listened like he was absorbing my words, not simply getting me "turn" over and done with so he could return to some other topic. The more time I spent with him the more my spirit lifted, he was the new friend I'd needed for so long. He listens as if my words are golden, perhaps some elixir he's been waiting all his days to hear.

From what he says next I can tell he is thinking so deeply, already with a strategy that's several moves ahead of what I am capable of. And in his words are a kindness, a concern that is so quick that, for him, it is natural. This attentiveness is apart of who he is and that is, if I'm honest, the most attractive feature I've seen in a man for quite some time. And as the hours go by it becomes the best conversation I've ever had too, it flows, with listening and intelligent responses.

I turned my head to the side glacing at the window. I felt my mouth twitch when I noticed it was dark outside.

"John it is getting kind of late. I think we should call it a day." I said as I stood up from my seat

"Right. I'm sorry I didn't get to give you a tour around the area. It was what I was supposed to do" he looked down at the ground as if it was his fault.

"hey don't make a sad face. I had a great time just by talking with you. Plus your smile is so much beautiful" I said. Again me just talking without thinking. I was about to apologize when I looked down to see John's cheeks being kissed pink like a spring rose, the blooming colour so cute against his freckled skin.

I felt the urge to make him blush a little bit more.

"Not everyday I get to spend my day with such cutie" I winked at him

At writting. At debating. And even at flirting. I'm the best.

"A-alex what are you saying" he covered his blushing face with his hands. Not only his cheeks, but his whole face turned red. Though the ears had been hidden among the messy curls of his hair, it was obvious that they were as rosy as his face.

I chucked. Well I should stop. I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

"We should get going. I don't have morning classes tomorrow but you might?" I asked.

"You guessed it right. Ugh I don't want to listen to Mr. Lee's lecture. His voice makes me soo sleepy." He pouted

"There there. I'm sure you'll make it through class" I said as I patted his head

"Hey I'm older than you ~ Don't treat me like a child" he complained

"Hmph age is only a number. Let's get out of here"

"Okay" John agreed.

We walked outside the coffee house and said our goodbyes.

"I had a great time" I said, a smile plastered on my face, "Thank you for today"

"I did as well Alex. See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow"

Then we parted ways.

**-Time skip-**

I was lying on my bed unable to sleep. Thinking of whatever stuff that came to my mind. I usually sleep really late or not sleep at all because I can only sleep when exhausted.Since the night my mother died sleeping became a luxury for me.

Insomnia haunts my nights; fatigue rules my days. When I need to be lucid and clear my brain begs for unconsciousness, for sleep at any price. But come the hours of darkness in the comfort of my bed, my mind lights up with new possibilities, new sources of disaster and danger. I want to let them go, to count sheep and relax, but soon the sheep are telling me what can go wrong tomorrow because of some avoidable blunder I made today. When I finally sleep I wake after only a couple of fitful hours and wake as if a whole night had passed, but it hasn't. I wish I could be one of those people who roll over and doze off but I can't. I can either lie in my bed watching the colour slowly seep back into the walls, waiting for the dawn chorus, or I can get up. Sometimes I curl up in my pyjamas with my laptop, other times I get dressed and go downtown to a late night club or bar. But of course, alone.

Then two faces came up to my mind. Those guys Laffayete and Hercules seemed cool. I wonder if they like night clubs or bars. I hope I'll see them around often. I can't wait to see John again either.

They say to give and not expect to receive; For friendship is love and love cannot be a transaction, a trade. For love can expand as air can, fill any void no matter the amount. Love is healthy when given freely, altruistic, empathic and with gentleness of spirit. Those words I can't understand. How can a person learn to give so much with so little returned and still never expect any help or kindness? Maybe the way is to feel the joy that comes from giving, the way the universe rewards such beautiful ways. Perhaps that's how bad situations become good, over time, by letting nature love you, by letting the heart win. I hope so, I really do. But with everything that I have done.. Do I even deserve to love? Do I deserve to be loved?

A sigh escaped my mouth easing my muscles and letting the complicated thoughts go before they consume my brain. Overthinking will do no good.

I should try to at least get one hour of sleep.

**End of chapter 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**Your fellow writter here. Hope you enjoyed chapter 2... here's chaaaapter 3**

**Alex's POV**

It has been five months since I started attending to King's College. I will not lie to you, all the classes and extracurriculars and blah blah shit have been exhausting, but I've managed to survive. I even met some interesting people, someone called Aaron Burr and a guy named Thomas Paine.

It has also been five months since I met John Laurens. And I'm happy to announce that he's officially my best friend.

Since that day in the coffee shop, we have been hanging out a lot. With Laff and Herc too. The four of us have became inseperable. We even called ourselves the "Revolutionaries".

But for some reason I felt a deeper connection with John and I think he feels it as well so we've declared each other's best buds. I think it was the giggles that were the sails upon our boat, the laughter, the smiles. We saw the funny in everything and that was our bond. We could be serious too; we loved deeply of others more than is generally accepted... so I guess the humour was how we let out the tension that kind of love brings. In those silly moments, we were perfect, and they are the sweetness I need in rough times. That's what a friend can do... it's the love that makes doors in emotional brick walls, the love that makes everything possible. Having him by my side as my friend has been amazing. But there's also problem..

My feelings for him...they have only been getting deeper and deeper. I feel that everyday I'm falling harder for him. But... how can I avoid it? Everything about him it is just captivating. He was handsome from the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice. He was handsome from his generous opinions to the touch of his hand upon my own. I loved the way his voice quickened when he sparkled with a new idea, or was so enjoying one of mine.

I've been thinking of confessing but I'm scared my feelings would ruin our friendship. I don't want to lose him.

And even if John does feel the same way. I know it wouldn't be real. Because John doesn't really know me. I'd feel as if I'm lying to him. Even if we are best friends I haven't told him anything about my family nor where I come from. He respects my privacy but I know he's curious.

I remember that time we were hanging out..

**_-Flashback begins-_**

**Third Person's POV**

_"You hide a lot, don't you?"_

_Alex almost swallowed his gum, turning to take in the expression on his new friend's face. His gaze was steady, eyes wide like an innocent child, Alex released a short sharp breath. This wasn't even fourth 'date' material and this guy wanted to play see-through-skin. (A/N: by date I mean not the romantic type, but just the friendly hanging-out date)_

_"How do you mean?"_

_John paused before answering, his tone dropping to a softer octave. "Everything you say is a mask, but each thing gives a clue to the real you, the one hiding behind the quirky smile and tied hair. You could just cut it out and let me in you know, let me into that fragile head of yours." This time Alex took a physical step backward. John just watched, eyes still like headlights on full beam, expression serene._

_"I don't know what you are talking about" said Alex avoiding John's gaze._

_John stayed silence then replied "Nevermind"_

**_-Flashback ends- _**

I was really surprised when he said that...

I don't want to keep hiding things from him but I have no option.. The place where I come from is a shithole and I've done so many bad things. I'm scared of what his reaction might be if I tell him. I know he would probably still be my friend, John will never end our friendship for something like that, but it wouldn't be the same. I don't want to ruin that perfect image he has of me. He's too kind to see people's flaws.

I believe everyone's future and present is determined by the second they were born. Afterall, background is everything. If you are born a loser, you'll live as a loser. If you are born an elite, you'll live as an elite.

That's how the world works.

But if nobody knows where I come from. If I erase my past. Then maybe just maybe I can change that. I can change my destiny.

John and I...it is funny actually.. now that I think about it, we are complete opposites. But yet I managed to fall in love with him.

He's the kindest and sweetest person I know, he comes from a perfect little family and believes everyone's heart is good one way or another.

I wish I could be that innocent.

-Love at first sight- and -opposites attract- . Great, it feels like a soap opera already.

But...what will I do if John gets too close? no no no. I won't let that happen. I will hide my feelings. Yes.

I will remain by his side forever as his friend. And only his friend. That would be enough.

I was walking down the campus to my next class drowned on my own thoughts when someone forcefully grabbed me by my shoulder.

"where the hell do you think you are going Hamilshit?" Said Jefferson.

Did I forgot to mention Thomas Jefferson? Well let's say that since that cabinet meeting we had on my first day our relationship has been going downhill. We try to win each other at everything. It is a pain on the ass. But of course I, your obidient servant, win most of our 'fights'. Something that damages poor little Jefferson's ego.

I wish he could leave me alone.

At this rate, our fights are just gonna get more and more aggresive. Physically and mentally.

I looked at Jefferson with a bored face. "What the fuck do you want? Are you here to complain how badly you lost yesterday's debate?"

"Don't you dare to think you are better than me Hamilton" he said tighing his fist.

"You fucking cheated!"

"Oh I'm sorry did I make it seem like I cheated? It is just that it is so easy to win against you" I said sarcastically.

"Sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than open it and remove all doubt"

"Don't pretend to be so smart Hamilton. Since the first day, you got Mr. Washington in your pocket" he hissed

"Sure whatever Thomas I'm trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can't get my head that far up my ass." I said as I yawned

"Yeah, well, someone oughta remind you"

"What"

"You're nothing without Washington behind you"

I was about to give him one of my big sassy comebacks when Mr. Washington approached us and called my name. "Hamilton!"

Thomas faked a gasp "oh Daddy's calling"

I frowned and went after Mr. W.

**-Time skip brought to you by A. Burr-**

**Still Alex's POV **

I haven't seen John the whole day. He always calls me after his 1pm class so we can hang out and eat lunch somewhere. But he didn't today.

I checked my phone for the thousandth time today. Making sure he didn't leave any messages telling me that he's busy or what he was doing. I tried to call him one more time but again it just sent me straight to the voice mail.

Where's he? Why isn't he answering my calls?

I have to find him. John's not the type of person who just disappears.

I headed to Laff and Herc's apartment.

Once I had arrived I knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" Laffayete said in his usual heavy french accent.

"It's Alex"

"Oh Alex mon ami, come in" he opened the door.

"Hey Laff where's Herc?" I asked

"He's in his part-time job. You know, my lovely boyfriend always working hard" he said in an affecionate tone. "I know Herc is not the reason you came here for. What's wrong Alex? ESt ce que ça va? (Are you okay?) You seem a bit pale"

"It's John... I have been trying to reach him all day, but he won't pick up my calls nor answer my texts. What if something happened to him?" I started to panick a little.

"hey hey, relax Alex. You know John is strong. He can take care of himself. Maybe the dummy just forgot his phone somewhere. You know how forgetful he can be" Laff said in a attempt to comfort me.

"But what if he's not okay?" I insisted.

"Alex, John is okay. Trust me" replied Laff.

**_-Flashback-_**

**Alexander's POV**

_I've never liked doctors. In my eyes they are just people interesed in money who pretend to care about you.__They are full of lies. And god I hate liars._

_Yet my twelve year old self chose to believe them.__"_

_Is my mom okay? Why does she look so sad?"_ _The doctor looked at me. And put on the fakest smile I've ever seen on my life. "Your mom is a little sick. But she's okay, trust me"_ _Those words became my only hope. I attached to those words as if my life depended on them, and repeated them on my head over and over again so maybe they can become true. Those words encouraged me to work hard while I waited until my mother recovered._

_Three days passed by. And my mom's condition was only getting worse._ _I was crying "w-why isn't my mom getting any better?!"_ _The doctor smiled trying to calm me down. "She's okay, trust me"_

_Again, comforting me with the same lie._

_More days passed by. The bills started to pile up. And I had no father or siblings to support me.__It was only me and my bed-ridden mother.__On top of that the treatment my mother was receiving was very expensive and all the money she had saved during all those years of hard work have been given to the doctor._

_As long as he received the checks he would say "She's okay, trust me"_ _And I believed him. I fucking believed him._

_What I didn't know is that false hopes are more dangerous than fears.._

_Two days passed by.__"At this point there is nothing more we can do. I'm sorry" were the words of the doctor. Twelve simple words constructed of simple letters, spoke courteously through his soft English accent, that cut through me. My eyes burned with an ache to sob as my stomach rock back and forth on the harsh waves of fear._

_And one night what I feared the most happened. She didn't make it._ _My mother died in front of my eyes, and I couldn't do anything.__I cried, yelled, and sobbed. But nobody would listen to me. Not even the doctor who treated me nicely before my mom passed away._

_I discovered the hard way that a lie is a pain killer. It gives relief but has side effects forever._

**_-End of Flashback-_**

"NO!" I said unconsciously louder tha I planned.

"Alex, is everything okay?" Laff patted my shoulder "calmez-vous" (calm down)

I took a deep breath. I've always had trouble trusting people... even now. I can't trust Lafayette either.

"Yes, I mean no, I mean- It is just I don't wanna lose John" I said my heart feeling heavy.

I cannot lose John. Not the way I lost my mom. I would never forgive myself if I let that happen.

"Alright. I'll call Hercules. We will all look for John together" Lafayette reassured me. "Everything will be okay"

After a couple of minutes Hercules, Lafayette and I arrived at John's apartment.

"Thank you for coming in such short-notice Herc" I said to Hercules.

"Don't worry. You seemed really worried. I'm sure we will find John together" he answered.

When I was about to knock on John's door, my phone started to vibrate.

_Turtleboi is calling you._

It's John! Thank god.

I picked up at the speed of light.

"John! I've been looking for you everywhere. Where have you been all day?"

I heard sobs at the other side of the line. Instantly I knew that something was not right.

"John are you okay? What happened?"

I asked

"A-alex. I-it's my f-f-father... h-he...he had a car accident and he...he...didn't m-make it"

John could barely talk between his sobs.

"Where are you at right now?"

"I-I'm at the h-hospital... Alex please c-come f-fast. I need you"

"I'll be there before you know it"

I told Herc and Laff about the situation and we inmediately took action. Herc drove us to the hospital.

I can't believe this is happening... John must be devastated.

Wait for me John. I'm on my way.

**-Time skip-**

**Still Alex's POV**

We finally arrived at the hospital. John was there waiting for me at the entrace.

I got out of the car and ran towards him.

The moment I saw his face my heart sank. His skin was pale. His beautiful smile was gone, and those freckles I love so much were covered in tears.

I hugged him and whispered into his ear, "Everything's okay. I'm here"

I tried my best to comfort him

"B-but my dad"

"Shh don't talk. Just let it all out" I know what it feels like to lose someone important to you. In moments like these, you just have to drown in your own sadness and give a fuck about the world around you.

That saying of being strong and not showing any emotion is just bullshit. We are humans not machines. Crying it is not a sign of weakness. When a emotion overhelm us, we just cry. That's it. A person has the right to be sensible and show their vulnerable side from time to time. There is a cruelty to taking our emotions as a type of rudeness, something "well mannered folks would hide".

Nobody's heart is made out of stone. If we don't let it all out from the beginning, the emotions will just pile up until you cannot hide them anymore. Feelings are just like timing bombs which could explode any minute. The fuck with that "man up" bullshit.

As much as John tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. I inmediately held him close. John sobbed onto my chest unceasingly, hands clutching at my jacket. I held him in silence, rocking him slowly as his tears soaked my chest. A tiny lapse let him pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before he collapsed again, his howls of misery worsening. The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling him back into the outstretched arms of his grief.

After a couple of minutes John was a bit more calm. We were still hugging. He needed support right now, and I was more than willing to give it to him

I then softly pushed him away and took his hand

"Come here John" I led him to a hidden garden I discorvered a couple of days ago by the hospital. It was kind of my secret place when I needed to take a break.

"Sit here" I said as I pointed to a bench

We sat on the bench.

There was silence for several minutes. But it was a comfortable one. Even if it wasn't throught words. I wanted to let John know that I care for him.

I was still holding his hand

"Alex... why do all the best people die?" sad John, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular.

I was a but taken off by his question but answered it anyway "John, when you are in a garden.. just like this one, which flowers do yoh pick first?" I paused for a moment and moved a strand of his curly hair away from his face. "The most beautiful ones"

John smiled.

I'm glad I got to make him smile.

"M-my father--he..." I could tell he was going to tear up again

I gently put his head on my lap

"Listen John, in order to heal a wound you need to stop touching it. Everytime you remember your father, only think about the happy memories you had with him. Not the sad ones. Do not at any moment regret the time you spend with him. You know John, dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude. Appreciate all the good memories you have. And value them... someday you'll be ready to move on. It'll not be easy. But you can count on me. I'll be there for you"

Tears streamed down his face.

"Hey don't cry.. I don't like it when you do" I said trying to dry his tears with my thumb.

I stared into his eyes. "Everything will be okay. You are a strong person"

John gave me the most sincere smile I've ever seen in my life.

"Thank you Alex" he said in an almost unaudible whisper.

Then he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

I lowered my head and kissed his forehead. "Sweet dreams, my dearest"

I will always be there for you.

**End of chapter 2. **


	4. Chapter 4

**My head hurts like hell so this chapter may not be as 'great' . I apologize *bows* (I will try my best of course !)**

**Alex's POV**

A month has passed by since John's dad died. Unfortunately because John lives by himself I never got to meet his father but the way John talked about him told me he was a good person.

I hope he's doing good now.

John has been doing a lot better too. The day after he fell asleep on my lap he was so embarrassed. He tried to apologize but he was so nervous he could barely mouth proper words. Blushing would have been no problem, but what he did was go as red as a beetroot and radiate heat like a hot pan. You could have cooked a three course meal on his face. It was so damn cute. I couldn't help myself but to tease him a little bit.

I guess he was also embarrassed that he showed me a bit of his weak side. He shouldn't be though. I also love that side of him.

I checked my phone and realized it was 4pm. Shit. I forgot I had to meet John by the park at 3.

I got out of my apartment and practically ran towards the park. I'm not taking any cabs nuh uh.

When I arrived I lowered my head to catch my breath. Damn I haven't ran this much since I was a kid.

I then straighten myself and look for any signs of John. I was about to send him a text when I saw him sitting on a bench drawing.

As I approached him I noticed the corners of his mouth turning up as he kept drawing. He was so concentrated into his drawing...he looked so handsome.

No homo though. He's my best friend! Hamilton remember that for god's sake.

"John! I'm so sorry I'm late." I sat next to him

He quickly closed his sketchbook "Oh it's okay Alex, don't worry"

"What do you have there?" I asked pointing to his sketch book.

"Oh I-it's nothing I was just drawing to kill time" he scratched the back of his neck. I could tell he was nervous.

There is something going on and I'm going to find out what it is.

"Cool. Can I see what you were drawing?"

I think I saw a hint of panic in his eyes.

"Y-ou wouldn't want to see it you know. It is just a boring turtle drawing. You know me."

Okay something is definitely going on. John would never call anything related to turtles 'boring'

"What were you actually drawing John?" I asked suspiciously.

"I already told you. Just a turtle" he couldn't even look at my eyes when he said that.

"Hmm then why don't you want to show it to me?"

"Because... because...uhm " he tried to say something but no word came out of his mouth.

Ha got him ! He runned out of excuses.

"Show it to me John~!" I insisted.

"Nope!" He hugged his sketchbook against his chest tightly so I wouldn't be able to take it away from him.

I'm really curious now. I will see what's inside that sketchbook as I call myself Alexander Hamilton.

Oh I have an idea.

I moved closer to him.

"Hey John" I gently put my hand on his knee. "Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?" I said in a seductive voice staring directly into his green eyes.

"Ehh..?!" John's face became the color of a bad sunburn

I moved my face closer to his, "And have I told you how cute you look when you blush" I whispered into his ear

He was a stuttering mess by now "A-a-alex what are-"

This is my chance.

In a fast movement I took the sketchbook out of his hands.

"Gotcha!"

"Alex wait-"

Before he could say anything I opened the sketchbook.

There were a drawings of me inside. But there was one that caught my attention. The composition of the protait was curious. My eyes were moving from place to place unable to decide what the focus of the piece is. The colors are vivid, almost to the point of garish. The stroke lines are bold and the images from out of this world. It is both stunning and head-ache inducing, it's like a novel condensed onto a single page.It was amazing.

I swear I could almost hear the sound of my racing heart. I felt as if it was going at 1000 beats per minute.

"what.." my cheeks were tained pink.

"I'm so sorry for drawing you without permission Alex...! Damn this is so embarrasing I'm so sorry" he lowered his head apologetically.

I took a deep breath on an attempt to calm my racing heart, then patted John's shoulder. "Don't worry John. Actually I think this is amazing. You never told me you had such incredible skills." I said excitedly.

"Thank you Alex"

I kept gazing at the breathtaking drawing when a question popped up on my head.

"I have one question though. Why did you draw me?" I asked

"Oh well.. I... you are very special to me Alex. After you comforted me when my father died I realized how important you are to me. You've helped me all throughtout my good and bad times. I made these drawings so I will have something that reminds me of you forever... I didn't tell you because I was scared you might think I'm weird or some kind of creep" he said as he fidgeted with a loose lock of hair of his ponytail.

I smiled. God, if he keeps doing stuff like this I'm just gonna fall harder for him.

I wrapped my arms around him, "Thank you John. I'm so happy"

It took him a couple of seconds but he hugged me back. I sunk into the warmth of his side, appreciative of the simple gesture. I wish I could stay like this for the rest of my life.

We broke the hug and smiled at each other. A comfortable atmosphere taking over us.

John's phone started ringing. Bringing me back to reality.

"Oh I'm sorry." He took his phone out of his pocket "It's my mom. Mind if I take this call?"

"Sure go ahead." I assured

He walked away and answered his phone.

I checked the time. It was about to be 5pm. I looked up the dark blue-sky, since it is winter time it gets dark pretty early.

So many thoughts cross my mind when I look at the sky. I feel quite excited.

I look at John who's still talking on the phone. He was smiling. I guess he missed his mom.

I felt a warm feeling taking over me as I stared at him. A dumb smile automatically spreading across my face. I love his smile so goddamn much. It makes his freckles stand out even more. God what should I do with my feelings for him?... Should I confess?...

No, that wouldn't be right. Before confessing my feelings for him I should first have to tell him who I really am... I should talk to him about my past. I mean, I don't want to keep lying to him anymore. He has to know that I'm not as perfect as he thinks I am. I'm not an elite. I'm not worth of anything. I am just an orphan who was willing to beg, steal, borrow, or barter in order to survive. I'm just an idiot who is stuck in his the past. An idiot who is walking foward with his back facing the front, scared of missing out what's in front of him. I'm just... a horrible person with countless number of flaws.

Yes, I should tell him about me. It wouldn't be fair to keep hiding it from him.

And maybe after I do I can tell him about my feelings for him. I know it is not the brightest idea but I really want him to know how important he's to me. Plus I'd feel as if a huge weight is being lifted off my shoulders. And even if he rejects me, if I could stay by his side as his friend. I'd be satisfied.

He finished his phone call and came back.

"I'm sorry it took so long. I haven't talked with my mom in weeks" John apologized as he seated next to me.

"It's fine. I'm sure she was worried."

"Yeah.." he replied and looked up to my face. We stared into each other's eyes.

This is it. I'll tell him everything about me.

I was about to say something when John talked first.

"How's that big paper you talked to me about going?" John asked

Shit. That fucking essay.

"Damn I forgot!. I'm still not done and it is due tomorrow!" I massaged my forehead in frustration. I can't deal with an essay and a cofession at the same time !

"If you are not done you should go home and finish it"

I sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry I have to leave so soon. We barely had time to talk."

"It's okay. I know how much you hate handing in late projects"

"Thanks John." I was about to walk away when I remembered I was in the middle of telling him about it.

"Uhm John. I have something I want to talk to you about, will you please drop by my place in an hour?. I'm sure I'll be done with my paper by then"

"Sure Alex. Now go and get the job done"

I waved John goodbye and headed to my place.

**-Time skip Alex finished with his 51 page essay and is waiting for John-**

**Alex's POV**

I walked around my apartment anxiously as I waited for John to arrive. Gahh why am I so nervous. John's my best friend he will accept me no matter what. But... what if he doesn't?

All the reasons not to do this come flooding in, as if my body chemistry just sent them a blanket invitation. I feel the soft panic that can grow or fade depending on what I do next. It will fade if I back away, but then I have to do this all again another time. It will grow if I let these thoughts swirl into a vortex of stupidity, eating their own tail. Or I can breathe real slow, let the thoughts leak into the ether and be the real boss

"un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf dix." I repeated out loud.

Counting to ten in french helps me to relax when I'm this anxious.

Everything will be okay.

I wonder how his reaction will be when he finds out everything he knows about me is a lie.

I don't care. Oh well I do but I'm gonna tell him tonight! I don't want to hide anything anymore.

I heard a knock on the door. A wave of panic washing over me. He's here.

I opened the door.

"Hey Alex" John greeted me.

"John, I was waiting for you. Come in"

He followed me to the living room where we seated on the couch.

"So. What did you want to talk about?" he asked curious.

"Uhm... before I tell you anything I just want you to know that I totally understand if you don't ever want to talk to me anymore" I said trying not to sound too sad.

"What is it Alex?"

I took a deep breath.

"John... you know I've never talked about where I come from or anything about my past. The thing is that I don't want to keep hidings things from you, you are my best friend, so I'll just tell you about me..." I paused for a momemt and took another deep breath to give me courage, "I was born on an island called Nevis in the Caribbean Sea. My parents never got married. My father left my mother when I was 10 years old, then my mother fell ill and died when I was 12. After her death I moved with my cousin but 3 months later he committed suicide. He left me nothing so I had no money nor a place to live. I didn't know what to do...So I... I did everything in my power to get money. At first it was just small things like stealing bread or such, but as I grew older things started to get more serious. I tried to get a job but nobody would hire me because I'm son of a 'whore'" I tighten my fist. "I.. I was really desesperated and was willing to do anything to survive... Then a hurricane came, and devastation reigned my town. I thought I was going to die. I saw my future dripping down the drain. But I refused to give up so I put a pencil to my temple, connected it to my brain

And wrote my first refrain, a testament to my pain. Then the word got around and an important business man read my letter and offered a scholarship in New York City.. Thanks to that piece of paper I was able to start a new life, to start fresh and rewrite my story. I did horrible things in my past John, but here I felt like I could forget everything and become a new person here. I worked hard to create a perfect image of myself and made sure nobody found out where I come from. I lied to everyone, I lied to you, I lied to myself and pretended to be something I'm not. At some point along the way I started to forget who I was." A pair of tears raced down my cheeks "I don't know who I am John. I barely knew my father, and my mother died when I was young. Nobody knows who I am and neither do I." I directed my eyes to the ground. I didn't want to see John's face.

I remembered the storm. How there was a swirl of emotions.

How I was called everything in the book of wrong.

How I was to scared to look at myself in the mirror because I didn't want to see if those words were true. I didn't want to prove them right. That I didn't belong there.

Who would want to feel like that?

Who would want to think like that?

But that's all I knew, so that's what I became. The person who everyone wanted to be around. The person who thought they were beautiful

But...I didn't. I still didn't think I was worth it, because every time I saw my reflection,I didn't know who was staring.

Then I felt John's hand over mine.

And with a gentle tone he said, "Who are you, you ask? you are made from all the people you've encountered, and all the things you have experienced" He lifted his other hand and put it on my chest "Inside, you hold the laugther of your friends, the chattering of young children, and the warmth from kind strangers. Inside, there are stitchings from cracked hearts, bitter words from heated arguments, and emotions you cannot convey. You are made from all these people and moments. That is who you are Alex" He concluded.

"But.. I know I can't justify the things I did.. my past--" I argued but John interrupted me.

"Alex you are not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your saddness. You just did what you had to do to survive. Everything around you was falling apart but you never gave up. You are strong Alex"

My eyes drip with tears. My walls, the walls that hold me up, make me strong just... collapse. Moment by moment, they fall. Salty drops fall from my chin, drenching my shirt. John pullled me closer and wrapped his arms around me. His embrace was warm and reassuring. The world around me melted away as I squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end. We stayed like that until I stopped sobbing.

Within seconds I pulled him away.

"I have something else to tell you John" I went on. John was giving me his full attention.

I don't want to hide my feelings for him anymore.

"At times I thought I didn't need people who don't give me any help. That's why I've never been able to make friends. I'm so thankful and happy to have found friends like Lafayette, Hercules and you. I'm so happy to have found someone that just supports me, believes in my worth, and listens to my story. I sense a true connection between us. I want to cherish that connection.. I want to be deeply connected to you. Very slowly... but eventually everything. I am very patient. What I'm trying to say is that.. Laurens..I like you a lot. I fell in love with the way you touched me without using your hands." I tried my best to sound calm. But I was death anxious on the inside. I had made my big declaration of love, the grand speech I had been rehearsing for a fortnight and now the silence lay on my skin like a poison. It seeped into my blood and paralyzed my brain, my pupils became dilated and there was a tremor in my hands. His face was one of awkwardness.

"Alex I-"

"Before you say anything I just want you to know that I didn't tell you this because I'm waiting for you to love me back but to know how much you mean to me. If this makes you uncomfortable we can make as if none of this happened. I'll understan-" before I finished my sentece, John smashed his lips with mine. Nothing too crazy. Just a quick peck. But Oh my god. John took my first kiss.

He interwined his fingers with mines.

"I like you too Alex." He said with a beautiful blush on his cheeks.

What?...is this happening for real?

"Are you sure John? Even though I'm broken?"

"You are not broken Alex. In my eyes you are amazing. I wish I could explain to you how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies. How your smile makes my heart skip a beat, and how everytime I am with you, I feel so complete." He caressed my cheek.

I felt my chest become warm as the feeling of relief and joy washed over me. I think at this point I can almost hear my own heartbeat. I'm so happy...John returned my feelings.

He loves me despite my flaws.

"Thank you John... You make me so happy" I said to him as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

Our faces were so close to each other. I could feel his breath on my lips. Without any hesitation I moved closer and interlocked our lips.

This kiss was longer and full of love. I was completely unprepared. You would think that after all the hours I'd spent with John - watching him talk, laugh and frown - that I would know all there was to know about his lips. But I hadn't imagined how warm they would feel pressed up against my own. It felt so electric and passionate. It felt so right. I moved my hand to the back of his neck so I could deepen the kiss.

We broke the kiss to catch our breaths. I rested my head on the crook of his neck taking in his scent. God I love him so much.

"A-alex what are you doing" I didn't see him but I could tell he was blushing.

"Let's stay like this for a while" I whispered.

After a couple of minutes I started to feel sleepy. Today there was more emotional action than expected. For the first time in my life I feel exhausted.

Reluctantly I lifted my head.

"Do you want to stay over John? It is kind of dark outside." I asked.

"I'd love to." He said then yawned. "We should go to sleep. Tomorrow I have an early morning class"

"Alright. Follow me" I took his hand and led him to my bedroom. "I don't have a guest room so I hope you don't mind sleeping in the same bed with me" I know we just confessed to each other but I didn't want to seem too aggressive.

"Of course I don't mind... you...are my boyfriend" He said nervously fidgeting with his fingers.

My heart skipped a beat.

I, Alexander Hamilton, am John's boyfriend ! I love the way that sounds.

"Uhm Let's get some rest then" I tried to keep it cool. But I'm sure my face was beet red.

We lied down and got under the covers. We were facing each other.

I tried my best to just close my eyes and fall asleep. But being this close to John was too much for my poor heart.

"Uhm Alex..."

"Yes John?"

"Can... I hug you?"

Oh my god. John this is too much. Does he want me to give me a heart attack?

"Sure" damn sometimes it surprises me how smooth I sound when I'm freaking out on the inside.

We got closer to each other and cuddled together.

Just like the typical couple sleeping-position.

John's head on the crook of my neck and my arms around his waist.

I hope he can't hear my heart going crazy. Although I think he already did.

How am I supposed to sleep now. At least he couldn't see my red face now.

Seconds became minutes and then minutes became hours.

I still wasn't able to fall asleep.

I tried everything. Counting sheeps, thinking about boring stuff but nothing worked. My head was full of thoughts of the boy sleeping next to me.

On the other hand. He looked relaxed. Oh my god his sleeping face is so cute. I gently caressed his cheek.

The guilt of my past is ice in my guts. It could be a hundred degrees out and I'd still be frozen on the inside. I can't melt it on my own, I can't shift it at all. I need him to bring his warmth, to show me that I can be better. I wanted to be perfect so much, even as a little kid, and it kills me that I wasn't. So though it's hard to move past my mistakes, I own them, hold them as my own, and accept that he still loves me regardless.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me. It is now my turn to make you happy. I'm not the best, but I promise I will love you with all my heart" I whispered.

I knew he couldn't hear me but I couldn't control myself.

I kissed his forehead.

Then I fell asleep.

**End of chapter 4**. **Pardon me if I had any grammar mistakes.** **Editing on is so annoying !**

**See you next chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ladies and gentlemen!**

**The moment you've been waiting for!...The pride of my library.. A new update!**

**Alex's POV**

It has been about a week since John and I start dating. I still can't believe he felt the same way! I'm so happy...

Yesterday we told Laff and Herc the good news.

I remember their reaction...

**_-Flashback-_**

_We were all gathered in the living room at Laff and Herc's place._

_I took a deep breath and said "John and I are in a relationship"_

_Laff and Herc looked at each other and started to laugh.__"_

_Enfin!" (Finally) Laff yelled as if his favorite soccer team had just won the champions._

_"what?" John asked raising his eyebrow._

_John and I looked at each other in total confusion_ _"what Lafayette meant is that from the beginning we knew that you two liked each other" explained Hercules._

_"What do you mean?" I asked suspiciously. Was I too obvious??__"_

_you two literally eye-fucked one another!" Laff said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_"Lafayette!" John and I said in unison. Our faces turning pink._

_How embarrasing!_

_"__I'm so proud my ship finally sailed. I waited for so long" Herc said drying fake tears from his face with a white handkerchief._

_"In my defense I didn't know if John felt the same way!" I tried to defend myself_

_"Are you serious? Everytime you walked into the room John's face lit up. He looked helpless." Herc __added._

_John covered his blushing face with his hands and protested "Guys!"_

_If I knew this, I would have confessed way sooner._

_"You guys sure took looong" complained Laff_.

_"You are no one to talk Lafayette" I smirked._ _"A little bird told me that it took you a YEAR to finally tell Herc you liked him"_ _A muscle in his jaw twitched._

_Sweet revenge~_

_Laff pointed at John_ _"Traître! you weren't supposed to tell anyone!"_

_I laughed._

_A cheeky smile slipped on Herc's mouth "Oh really?~ I clearly remember the day you asked me out you said you just had a 'small crush' on me."_

_I could tell Herc wanted to tease Laff, who was by the way, blushing like crazy.__"_

_T-hat was hmn--merde I'm gonna kill you John !"_ _John and I couldn't stop laughing._

**_-End of Flashback-_**

That's something I don't ever want to forget.

Anyway, today John and I are going to have our first offical date as a couple. We decided to go to the aquarium since John said there is going to be a new sea turtle exhibition. He was so excited when he told me about it.

We agreed to meet in the aquarium at 10 am.

It was 9:50 am. I walked towards the aquarium. Maybe John is already here. I took my phone out.

A.Ham: where are you?

Turtleboi: I'm waiting for you inside the Aquarium's gift shop.

I went in the store looking for my boyfriend. I examined the place. It was a big store. There were all types of marine-life themed merchandise. From a small whale pin to a 7-foot teddy doplhin. It is going to be hard looking for John here. But something told me that I should look on the turtle-section first. I'm sure he'll be there.

I wasn't wrong.

There he was, looking at a turtle keychain as if it was the most amazing thing he has ever seen in his life.

"Found ya!" I practicaly shouted while I wrapped my arms around him from behind.

"What the h--" he tensed up but then relaxed at my touch. "Gosh you scared the hell out of me Alex"

"Haha I'm sorry John. I couldn't help myself. Do you like that?" I asked pointing to the small keychain he had on his hand.

"Yeah, it kind of reminds me of Franklin" Franklin is his pet turtle. How did he come up with that name for a turtle. I will never know.

"I'll buy it for you then" I took the turtle keychain from his hand.

"You don't hav-" he tried to take the keychain from my hand.

"No John, but I want to" I insisted before he could say anything else.

" then I'll get something for you too" he said and started to search into a box full of keychains.

"It's okay, that not necessar--"

"This one's perfect!" He said as he excitedly raised an octopus keychain "this one reminds me of you"

I raised an eyebrow "Since when I am an octopus?"

"Well first of all since they have 8 'arms' so they give off the impression that they can do many things at a time. They are non-stop just like you! I mean 51 essays Alex, really?" He said with a smirk.

"Hey~ I needed those 51 essays. I wanted to make sure my point was clear"

"Sureee" he said sarcastically.

"What's the second reason?" I asked.

He smiled, "Second of all...I think octopuses are cute"

I never thought I would ever want to be an octopus as much as I do now.

We headed to the cashier and payed for the keychains. Then we walked out of the gift shop.

"We haven't even gone into the aquarium and we've already bought souvenirs" I said.

John laughed "Let's go in then !"

We went into the aquarium and wandered around. I've never gone to any aquariums before because they never really catched my attention, but it was better than I expected it.

It was an interesting place. There were enourmous tanks of water where fish of all kinds and colors swam. It was like looking at a moving piece of art.

I looked over my shoulder to see John smile just like a child at the candystore.

"It is amazing isn't it?" He said looking at the giant tank in front of us.

I never understood his love for marine life because I never really liked the ocean. It kind of scares me to be honest.

Just think about it, we don't know what's really in there...the thought alone sends chills down my spine. Well I guess it is natural for humans to be scared of the unknown. We push away what we can never understand. But John didn't see it that way.

"John... why do you like the ocean so much?" I asked him.

He lifted his hand to his chin. "Hmm there are many reasons. The sea, just looking at it gives me peace... You know when life gets loud it is nice to have a place where you can relax and just be yourself. For me that place is the ocean." He replied.

"But you don't know what's in there"

"That's what I love the most. To me the sea is a continual miracle, the fish that swim, the rocks, the motion of the waves, the ships, with men in them, what strange miracles are there? If there is magic in the planet, it is contained in water" he explained.

I smiled. He always has such captivating way to describe things

"You are right" I agreed.

I want to see the world the way John does. And embrace the thing he likes.

We kept walking and I realized there were quite a lot of couples here. This must be a popular place to have a date.

Most of them were, of course, holding hands.

I looked at John's hand...I want to hold his hand so bad. But.. How should I do it? Should I ask him?

Oh I have an idea!

"Hey John will you hold this for me?"

"Sure Alex" he lifted his hand.

In a quick movement I took his hand and interlocked his fingers with mine. Palms kissing. I can feel the fast thud of his heart through this single touch..

"Wow that was so smooth" he joked with a slightly blush decorating his freckled cheeks.

"You know me" I smirked.

We kept walking when suddendly I felt something strange. As if someone was watching me. Then I heard whispers.

"Disgusting" I heard them say "they shouldn't be doing that in public"

I turn my head and see people looking at us with disgust. Judging us.

I immediately turned my attention to John to see if he noticed them. It was obvious he did. He looked uncomfortable.

I held John's hand tighly and gave him a reassuring smile.

I turned my head to the people who were being assholes and gave them my famous mind-your-own-fucking-business-or-I-will-kill-you glare. It worked beacuse they ran away like cowards.

"Are you okay John?" I asked worried about him.

"Yeah... it is just that...I'm really conscious about it... is something wrong with me? Is it wrong that I'm this way?" His lower lip trembled.

I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it softly.

"There is nothing wrong with you my love, it's just that there is a lot of wrong in the world we live in"

He smiled. "Thank you Alex"

I softened my eyes "You're welcome"

"Wanna go see the new turtle exhibiton?" I asked trying to cheer him up.

"Yes!" He said excitedly and quickly dragged me to where the new exhibition was located.

"Look !" He said pointing to a big water tank full of marine plants of all colors and three marine turtles swimmig in it.

I couldn't resist the big smile that spread across my face when I saw him jumping with joy. His green eyes glowing with excitement.

"They are so adorable!"

"I think you are more adorable though" I said unconsciously.

His face turned beet red. "Don't say things like that so randomly!"

I leaned closer. "But it's true~"

He looked away "You are so chessy Alex"

"I don't care you love me this way"

"Geez"

I chuckled

"Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving!" He said and dragged me out the aquarium.

"Where are we going?" I asked John who was still dragging me who knows where.

"I heard somewhere around here there's this cafe that makes the most delicious cheesecakes in the world"

Damn what would I not give to eat a cheesecake right now.

"Cheesecake? I'm so up for it. By all means, lead the way!"

**Third person POV's **

After a couple of minutes of trying to figure out where the hell that cafe was they finally found it.

They went in and sat in a table across each other.

Alex slided his hand across the table and laid it on top of John's. John smiled and clenched his fingers around Alex's hand.

The two of them lapsed into a comfortable silence, listenning to the busy chatter of the cafe they were in.

A waitress approached them with menu, smiling down at them as she took in their clasped hands.

"Would you two gentlemen like to try our daily special? It's the cherry ripe cheesecake, and personally it's my favorite dessert." Said the waitress, pulling out her notebook and getting ready to take their food order.

"Could we have two slices of cheesecake please?" Alex asked knowing that his lover wouldn't be able to control himself and would order the entire thing.

True to his dessert-loving nature, John's shoulders slumped slightly, and he began to pout at Alex and the waitress. Alex and the waitress shared a knowing look and with a flip of her notebook, the girl scurried away.

John's bottom lip quivered, and Alex prepared himself to be put throught one of his lover's bids for more dessert. To his amazement, John's lip stopped quivering as he looked up and his eyes focused on something behind Alex's head.

Alex moved his head backwards and saw their waitress coming back to them carrying a tray with two plates balanced on it. She placed the tray on the table, accidentally nudging Alex and John's hands apart- not that either of them became upset they were too focused on the food in front of them.

"Two slices of cherry ripe cheesecake" said the waitress pointing them out and setting one slice in front of John

John's eyes widened and his stomach gave an audible growl as he took in the slice of cheesecake. Alex smirked at his boyfriend and moved the tray for the waitress to set down his own cheesecake. Neither man noticed as she picked up the tray and left them, they only had eyes for the cheesecake.

The top of the cheesecake was covered in whipped cream and cherries were placed on top. Under the garnish was a thin layer of dark chocolate. The size of the slices astonished them, but it was the inside of the cheesecake that had them mesmerized. (A/N: I was hungry went I wrote this)

John instantly went for his fork and used it to cut off the very tip of his cheesecake. Bringing it to his face, he smelt it and closed his eyes as he began to eat it. Alex did so as well.

The noise of the cafe ceased to exist as taste exploded in his mouth.

Alex raised his head to John and snorted when he saw the cream around his lover's mouth.

They both stared at each other and smiled, before going back to their food. Alex didn't tell John about the cream on his face, which was okay because John didn't tell him about the cream on his.

Both men thoroughly enjoyed their meal.

After a while of them sitting at their table their waitress walked over and asked them if there was anything else they would like. Alex and John both commented in negative and she told them they could pay at the counter. They both stood up and automatically held hands with each other as they made their way to the counter. Alex had to drop John's hand to take out his wallet.

Once they had paid, Alex and John linked fingers again and made their way throught and out the cafe.

Once they were out, John shivered at the cold temperature and rubbed his arm. Alex moved them out of the way of the traffic coming from the door and wrapped John in his arms. John's breath smell of cherries and chocolate drew Alex's lips closer and closer to his partners. They kissed for a long moment. Their tongues battled for dominance but neither gave in. Finally, Alex and John parted, their lips red and swollen. The air between their faces steamed as they panted.

"You've got cream all over-"

"You too"

They looked at each other and laughed. They used Alex's handkerchief to clean their faces.

After cleaning up themselves, they held hands and walked down the street.

They walked across the road to the park. The leaves of most trees were still green, but there were some trees that were halfway throught shedding their leaves. Alex pulled John over to the ground and both men laid back to look up the beutiful sky above them.

"Alex" asked John a while later.

"Mmm?" replied Alex sleepily

"Can we come here on our next date too? I love it here."

Alex grinned at him and nodded.

"Of course love, we can come here any time that you want." Alex said. "In fact I think we should come here often"

John snorted. "You just want to eat more cheesecake"

Alex grinned cheekily "Admit it, you loved yours. That cheesecake is something worth coming back here for. I don't think Herc nor Laff could even make something half as good as that cafe."

John chuckled.

Alex laughed and launched himself at John awkwardly, knocking them both backwards on to the ground. John laughed as Alex started to tickle him mercilessly knees on either side of John's hips and his hands working on John's sides. Alex laughed at John's failed attempts to push him off, and when John fully gave in, Alex couldn't help but look down at the man he loved and smile even thought his cheek were hurting.

Alex then leaned in and kissed John on his cheek. To most, a kiss on the cheek would be a sign of friendship, or a polite way to greet a stranger of the opposite sex. But a simple peck can convey as much meaning as a full-on kiss. Simple though it may be, a kiss on the cheek is special in its own, unique way.

John smiled.

They stood up and seated properly on the soft grass. Enjoying the comfortable silence that grew among the two of them.

"Why do you like me?" Alex whispered, his hands tracing the freckles on John's arm, connecting them with invisible lines like a dot – to – dot.

"How could I not?" John replied, cupping his cheek so Alex's beautiful dark borwn eyes met his own.

Alex frowned at his answer and looked away. John dropped hìs hand and fiddle with the grass instead.

He loved the fading sunset behind Alex's eyes, the moonlight that danced through his hair, the sadness nestled in the creases of his palms. He loved all of him, not just the parts that make sense, not just the parts that he has shown him. John loved the parts of him that he didn't yet understand, the parts that weigh on his shoulders, the parts John only notice when he stole glances at him in the silence.

"How could I not"

**End of chapter 5**

**To all those people who belong to the lgbtq community, including myself, I just want to say to you that people may not accept you for being different or not living by society's standards, but that doesn't make you a bad person or inferior in ANY way. Don't ever let those people make you feel ashamed for who you are or who you love.** **Being gay is like being left handed. Some people are, most people aren't and nobody really knows why. It's not right or wrong, it's just the way things are!** **Never be bullied into silence, never allow yourself to be the victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; be yourself. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are amazing just the way you are. And if other people don't see that then it is their loss.**

**I can't stress this enough:** **Love is a human experience, not a political statement.**

**If you got to this point...thank you for reading this, I really appreciate it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Please read this before you proceed with the chapter.** **This chapter will contain SMUT. So if you are not comfortable with it feel free to skip this chapter.** **Just keep in mind that they shared their love physically**. **Yes, they had sex. **

**Alex's POV**

John and I were cuddling together watching a movie at my place. John's cuddles are the only antidote I have to this world. They bring a peace I've never known before, a calming of the storms in my heart.

It has been about a month since we started dating and to be honest they have been the most amazing days in my life. By John's side I feel like I could do anything. Everytime I feel like I'm about to break or I'm too tense, I can go to John and he'll know just the perfect ways to cheer me up.

I love him so much.

I drifted my attention from the movie to John. John's lips to be more exact.

His lips were a pale pink that reminded me of a rose bud. The top lip was thinner, but not too thin, and it had a natural cupid's bow; the bottom one was larger and more plush. I stared at them when he bit his pencil in concentration, drank from his mug, or when he applied lip balm to keep them soft. I wanted to feel his lips against mine, though they are rough and thin - perhaps he didn't like it. The further we have ever gone is a heated make out session. Afterwards we'd just stop and cuddle until one of us fell asleep.

I have been wanting to take the next step but I don't know if John is ready for it yet. I'm not sure whether to ask him or not because I don't want him to think I'm pressuring him or anything. I would never touch a single hair of his if he's not comfortable with it. I don't want to hurt him in any way. Even if it takes long, I would respect his decision and wait until he's ready.

I didn't notice I was still staring at John's lips until he turned his head towards me and a flush crept up his freckled face. He looked so cute.

I want to kiss him so bad...

I couldn't hold myself back and leaned in for a kiss.

The best way to describe how kissing John felt like would be comparing it with the sensation of the water when it runs along your body. It made me feel calm. There were no insecurities, no doubts, no fears. Kissing John made me feel complete.

It was a soft loving kiss at first but after a couple of seconds the kiss escalated. His lips brush mine. Not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. I want to pull away before I lose myself but I can't seem to...In this minty moment, my senses have been seduced and I can no longer think straight. I bit his lower lip and while he gasped I took the opportunity to slip my tongue in and explore his mouth. I wrapped my arms around his waist to deepen the kiss. This made John moan.

How can someone make such an erotic sound?

We broke the kiss to catch our breaths.

"Alex... I want to do it" he said slightly panting.

"Are you sure John?" I asked making sure he was really okay with it.

"Yes.." He said. A smile slides up John's face and settles in. It's a magnetic, no-holds-barred smile, a smile that's fierce and undeniablysexy, a smile that tugs and tingles somewhere deep and low in my belly. Then he leaned and whispered into my ear "make me yours Alex.."

Right there I reached my limit. I kissed John hard on the lips. If I wasn't turned on before, well hell I am now.

I picked him up, causing his legs to wrap around my torso. I held his weight by his thighs and started into

his eyes. I could see the lust in his eyes...those amazing green eyes... one day they will be my doom..

He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me passionately as I walk across the living room to my bedroom.

When we enter the bedroom, I lay him gently on the bed and crawl on top of him. He tugged on my shirt signaling me to take it off. I take off my shirt as he takes his off as well.

I pin both of his hands above his head with one hand.

I take a mintute to take in the beautiful sight in front of me.

The view underneath me was the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. His flushed cheeks, his eyes clouded with lust and his delicate lips swollen from our previous kisses. His neck and torso also had those adorable freckles that drive me crazy. I plan to kiss every single one of them.

He blushed and looked away embarrassed, "S-stop staring" he whispered.

"You are hot. Deal with it" I smirked and resumed my actions.

I bent down and start kissing his neck. I kept sucking and biting every now and then until I found his sweet spot.

"A-alex" He was a moaning mess.

I started trailing kisses down his torso and stopped at his nipple and started it pinching it lightly. John moaned loudly and squirmed.

"You are very sensitive my dear" I whispered. I took his nipple into my mouth and started flicking it with my tongue.

"Oh Alex!" He said uncousciously with a seductive tone. I trailed my kisses down to his stomach until I got to his waistband. I tugged on his pants.

"May I?" I asked making sure John is okay with it.

He nodded intensively. In one quick movement I took off his pants and boxers

I chuckled as his fully hard dick sprung out of his boxers. I then kissed his up inner thigh, ending at the base of his cock. Painfully slowly I licked up his shaft.

"S-stop the teasing Alex" he moaned

"As you wish love" I said as I put his dick in my mouth and started sucking him off. Bobbing my head in every suck.

I could tell John was getting close to his limit because he couldn't get a conherent sentence out of his mouth.

"A-alex I'm...I'm gonna c-cum" he yelled and immediately cummed into my mouth. I made sure to swallow every drop of his cum while making eye-contact with him.

I will never forget the face he made while he cummed for me.

I felt my pants grow tighter. John seemed to take notice because he gently pushed me and turned our bodies so he would be on top of me.

"I cannot be the only one enjoying this" he whispered and started to undo my pants.

"John you don't have to-" I couldn't finish my sentence because he put my member into his mouth.

His mouth was warm and wet. I couldn't get enough of it. Uncousciously I took ahold a bunch of his hair in my fist. Rocking my hips in and out his mouth. After a couple of minutes John sucking me off I gently pushed him and stood up so John was sitting on my lap.

I lifted his chin with my hand and kissed him sweetly.

"You ready baby?" I asked him.

"Y-yes" he replied trying to sound normal.

I then stucked a finger into his entrance making him groan in pain and pleasure. I then stuck a second finger in and started scissoring him.

He moaned while I kept stretching him and kissing his neck.

When I felt he was ready. I stopped with my action and grabbed a bottle of lube from my bed-side dresser.

I applied some to both my dick and his entrance. I want him to feel as less pain as possible.

I then aligned myself with his hole and teased him for a little bit.

"Alex.. plesase.." he said and gave me those adorable puppy eyes I love so much.

How can I say no to this?

I gave him quick peck on the lips. "Sorry"

I slowly lowered him onto me.

He hissed in pain. To help I kissed his mouth and suck on his tongue. After I was fully inside him I stopped to give him some time to breath.

After a couple of minutes he whispered "you can move"

I started moving in and out of him.

"F-fuck" I groaned in pleasure. In that moment, all thoughts of past and future melted away.

As soon as he was fully used to me, he started bouncing up and down my dick.

"Alex...f-faster" he groaned. His groan was so sexy I almost climaxed right then and there. I gadly complied so I grabbed him by his butt and moved my hips up so the movement would get faster and deeper. The rest of the world became an unimportant blur that was banished into the far recesses of my mind. The only thing that mattered was touching him more, kissing his mouth, his back, his neck.

"Yes... Alex!"

When he started to moan like crazy I knew I found just the right spot and started to pound harder into him while with my hand I jerked him off.

"A-alex...I'm close.. " he said between moans.

"Me too" I said and then climaxed into his hole. Which brought John over the edge, resulting in him cumming all over my torso.

We stayed in that position until we came down from our highs, and then collapsed onto each other on the bed.

I held John close. He carressed my cheek and kissed me.

When he kissed me my brain lit on fire and the warmth spread throughout my entire body. After that I was addicted, I couldn't bare not to be with him and I could barely breathe when he was around. Those kisses were my salvation and my torment. I lived for them and I would die with the memory of them on my lips. I dedicated my life to being with him from the moment of that first kiss, for I knew that if I lost him I would loose myself. He was the half that made me whole.

"I love you, Alexander" he whispered.

My eyes widened as I took in what he just said. A warmth feeling spreading throughout my chest. Instantly my mouth curved into a smile.

"I love you too, John" I said as I placed a kiss on his nose before we both drifted to sleep in each other's arms.

I will always treasure this memories.

**To be honest I enjoyed writting this more than I thought I would haha. I've never written anything like this before so it was an interesting experience.** **Hope you liked it.** **See you next update !**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hear ye, hear ye my name is Samuel Seabury (not really)**. **And I present a new chapter on the proceedings of this lams story**.

**Alex's POV**

My eyes wandered around the room and stopped at the sight of my lover cooking breakfast. His curly hair flowed down his back like a golden waterfall. I loved when he let his hair down. I walk towards him and wrap my arms around his waist from behind. His soft curls caressing my cheeks.

"Good morning love" I whispered in his ear.

"Good morning" he replied as he turned his head to the side to give me a soft kiss on the lips. I rested my forehead on the back his neck taking in his scent to its fullest.

The two of us have been together for almost two years.

"The veggies are already washed" John said, his hands diligently working on drying the vegetables with a papertowel.

"Ok! Leave the rest to me. Thank you for your hard work~. Before you came I'd nearly never use the kitchen...I didn't know how to cook.. " I said a little embarrassed about my lack of cooking skills.

John giggled

Every weekend the two of us would 'meet up'.

"Then growing healthy like this was really a miracle" he joked.

The two years have always been like this. Sometimes it feels inconceivable

and I feel that I'm too lucky.. Everyone has times when they're at loss, unable to see clearly the path before them.

I snuggled my face on his neck. "Haha you are right. It was a miracle"

But my rejoice is.. having been lucky to get close to you allowed me to discover a very precious thing.

Just as if you were sunlight radiating in front of me, and whenever I'm hugging you from behind like this...I can touch your burning warmth.

"Thank you John" I whispered.

"What did you say Alex?" He asked.

"Nothing!"

While John was getting dressed in my bedroom I took my phone and texted Lafayette.

A.Ham: Phase 1 begins.

Mr.Baguette: Roger that.

You may be wondering. What's up with the text? Well, I've been thinking about it a lot lately... and I've come to the conclusion that I want to ask John to marry me.

I know I don't seem like the person who would believe in marriage but since the moment that word touched my ears, thousands of thoughts have been increasingly flooding my head.

Before I met John the idea of marrying someone never crossed my mind, heck I didn't even think I'd fall in love someone, but the only thing predictable about life is that it is always unpredictable. Before, I viewed marriage as excuse to share your property and goods when your economical situation was not stable. Marriage was just another way of bussiness, the word itself carried little meaning for me. But surprisinly, my opinion has changed so drastically the past few years that now I can really see the real definition of marriage.

Marriage isn't a ring worn or a paper signed. It is not something endured but savoured. It is the union of two hearts beating as one, each that would sacrifice for the other's happiness and wellbeing. Marriage is something so beautiful that in that natural world it would be an opening rose, always with radiant petals left to unfurl to a warm sun. Perhaps that is why we give roses to those we love and often have them at our sacred unions. Marriage is the blessing we give to one another, an eternal bond of soul-mates. I am sure I want John to be the person I spend the rest of my life with and whom I will share my good and bad times.

Having explained that, my plan is to propose to him after a romantic meal cooked by ,your obidient servant, me. I know it is not the brightest idea to even allow me to be anywhere close the kitchen but I'm going to give my best for John.

I really want this moment to be as personal and intimate as possible so going to a restaurant is way out of the list.

But before I can proceed with my plan I have to buy an engagement ring. A crucial factor for the perfect proposal. I have to get it today yes or yes.

Also I have to keep John distracted or else he might find out what I'm doing. This is the part where Lafayette comes in. He will be on charge of keeping John busy while I proceed with my plans.

I heard a knock on the door. I opened it expecting to see Lafayette but instead someone else showed up.

I raised a brow "Hercules?"

What is he doing here?

"I'll be filling in for Lafayette. I hope you don't mind." Hercules replied knowing what I was thinking.

"No problem Herc. Thank you for coming anyway" I moved to the side. "Come in"

"Where is Lafayette?" I asked curious.

The color drained out of his face. "He's...hmm...I don't know..." his mouth set in a hard line.

My brows drew together. That's not the response I expeced... maybe Lafayette and Herc had a fight?

"Did something happen between you two?" I asked.

Hercules' mouth opened as if he was to say something but snapped shut when John showed up.

"Who knocked on the door Ale- Oh! Herc" John excitedly high-fived Hercules "What are you doing here?"

"Hi John. I came here to ask you if you could help me with something" Herc answered.

"Me?? What is it?" John asked.

"Yes. And it can only be you who can help me. But we have to go now. I'll tell you the details when we get there. Let's go!" Hercules said walking towards the door.

"Oh- OH right now? Alright. But where are we going?"

"I said I'll tell you the details later. Wait for me in my car" Hercules insisted.

"Alright. See you later Alex" John gave me a quick peck on the lips and walked out the door.

As soon as I comfirmed John was out of reach I thanked Hercules "Thank you Herc. You are a big help"

"No problem bro, you text me when you want me to bring him back" he replied

"Ok. Oh and by the way what is that thing you need him for?" I asked.

Hercules chuckled "No idea! I have to make something up quickly" Herc said and walked out the door.

I laughed.

Now let's start with phase 2.

I took my phone out and dialed a number. I needed to get the perfect ring, and I knew just the right three people to help me get it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me, Alexander"

"Alex! It has been a while. I thought you died by now"

And the perfect people to help me were the Schyuler sisters.

"Haha still breathing Peggs, How have you been?"

"Don't 'how have you been' me Hamilton. I know you didn't call just to ask me how I am. "

I chuckled "you know me Peggy. I need some 'advice' for something really special I want to buy. Can you and your sisters meet me up at the mall like right now?"

"Okay! Leave it to me. But you have to buy us some ice cream next time"

"Deal. See you at the mall."

"See ya!"

I met the Schyuler sisters, Angelica, Eliza and Peggy when Mr. Washington was giving me tour around King's College's campus.

The three of them major in art-related fields, and since the political science field and art fields were pretty far from each other I didn't see them as much as I'd like to but when we hung out I had the most fun.

Angelica is the oldest, she is sociable, outgoing, and generous. While her sister Eliza mostly keeps to herself, Angelica is unafraid to share her feelings. She's witty and intelligent, Angelica doesn't let others think for her.

Romantic, gentle, and caring, Eliza has never been the type to try and grab the spot-light. As quiet and sweet as Eliza is, she is not willing to be stepped on and her beliefs and values guide her life.

And Peggy. Well she's just the funniest girl I've ever met. A wicked wit endowed with a superior mind and a rare accuracy of judgment. Lively,

charming, bright, spirited, and generous. The favourite of dinner-tables and parties.

The three of them complemented each other in a fascinating way. Sometimes looking at them makes me wish I had a sibling. (A/N: quick fact- for those who didn't know Alexander Hamilton did have a brother and a step brother)

They also know about my relationship with John. At first they were surprised but rapidly accepted it and became really supportive.

I grabbed my jacket and made my way to the mall.

-**Time Skip**-

I arrived to the mall and saw the Schyuler sisters waiting for me by the entrance.

"The Schyuler sisters!" I shouted to catch their attention as I walked towards them.

"Alex! Long time no see. I missed you face" Angie said and gave me a hug.

"Angie!" I hugged her back.

"The three of you look as lovely as always"

"Thank you Alex. It is good to see you" said Eliza and hugged me as well.

"Okay okay. Enough chitchat! Alex has something to tell us" said Peggy

"Is that so?" asked Angelica.

"That's right. I... I'm planning to propose to John" I said. A tint of pink making its way on my cheeks. Every

time I said it out loud a feeling of excitement filled my chest.

The three sisters squealed and wrapped their arms around me. I almost lost balance.

"Congratulations!" Squealed Angelica

"You two make such lovely couple" agreed Eliza

"Way to go Alex!" said Peggy.

"Thank you" I smiled "I want everything to be perfect so I'd really appreciated it if you could help me pick out an engagement ring. "

"Aww of course we will help you." answered Eliza

"The Schyuler sisters will get the job done" said Peggy as she high-fived Angelica and Eliza.

"We'll make sure you are satisfied with the perfect ring" said Angie

I laughed. I really love these girls. "Let's get started then !"

We went into a couple of jewerly stores but nothing seemed to catch our attention.

I was surprised by all the different styles of engagement rings there were.

"I feel like this will be harder than I expected" I complained

Eliza giggled "Engagement rings, like any other kind of jewelry, come in many different styles. Don't worry we will find just the right one for John"

Obediently, I listened to the Schuylers' explanations of a few of larger pieces, detailing the many setting options, the pricing schemes, the credit options, the secondary stones...

"The modern favorite cut for an engagement ring is the brilliant cut, which provides the maximum amount of sparkle to the gemstone..." explained Angelica holding a beutiful engagement ring on her hand.

I imagined presenting the ring to John, skipping over his inital reaction. I imagined sliding the ring on his finger, imagined it catching the sun while he was outdoors, imagined it winking at me as he opened the door to our flat or as he stepped out of the shower. Tantalizing. Endearing. But not, I had to admit, his style.

"I don't think that's the one Angie. Sorry" I said disappointed.

"It's okay" She reassured me.

"Let's keep looking!" Peggy shouted throwing her fist into the air.

I kept looking when suddendly something catched my attention.

I peered at a delicate ring of interwined hair-width gold, interspersed with tiny gemstone flowers. I was reminded of that garden where I comforted John when he was on his vulnerable state after his father died.

It was the moment in which I fell in love with his weak side. His emotional self... it was funny how even his flaws made me sigh.

"This one's perfect!" I said excitedly.

The three beautiful sisters looked at the ring on my hand with wide eyes.

"It is so beautiful" Eliza agreed with me

"It looks like you did not need our help after all" said Angelica

"Hoow did I not see iittt..??? Dishonor to the Schuylers!" whined Peggy in defeat.

I chlucked.

I purchased the ring and walked out of the jewerly store accompained by the schuylers

I checked the time. It was getting late. I should go back to my place and prepare dinner before John comes back. Hercules might be running out of ideas to keep him busy.

"I've got to go now."

Angie handed me the small box with the ring in it. "I still can't believe you are going to propose!"

"Goodluck" Eliza said and smiled sweetly

"Yes! So exciting" added Peggy

I smiled. "Thank you for your help today"

"You're welcome" the three of them said in unision

"Go now lover boy or else you will be late!" Insisted Peggy

I chuckled and made my way to my apartament

**-Time skip-**

**Still Alex's POV**

I held the ring box close to my chest as I entered my apartament.

Phase 2 is completed. Now phase 3.

Miraculously cook a delicious meal.

As I headed to the kitchen I noticed how messy my apartament was. Better clean this up before John arrives.

I heard raindrops hitting the windows. It started to rain. I hope John has an umbrella. I picked up some garbage that was on the floor, most of it just paper curled into balls from the multiple essays I was not 100% satisfied with.

While cleaning up I noticed one of John's jackets on the floor. He must have forgot it when Hercules pushed him out the door so hurriedly.

The moment I picked it up, a paper slipped out of one of its pockets.

I checked the paper. It was a letter addressed to Lafayette.

_'My dearest, Lafayette_ _I cannot believe another year has passed. It feels like we just met yesterday, but at the same time it feels like I have known you all my life. You make time meaningless. Actually, you make everything else feel meaningless because the only thing that matters is us. You have brought so much light into my life. I would be lost without your torch. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I love you. I've always had and always will. Can you believe it? First we thought this relationship would never work...but here we are, together. Even if what we have is "wrong" we still love each other uncondionally. I will follow you anywhere...My heart beats faster just by thinking of all those nights that we spent together...especially that night when you made me yours. I'm ready to confront any hardships that come on our way and someday reveal our love to everyone. Some people close to us might get hurt but that doesn't matter to me because you are the most important person in my life. Even if I have to risk it all.. I would do it for you."_

I softened the grip of my hands on the ring box and let it hit the floor.

What is this.

**End of chapter 7** **I had such hard time writting this chapter. ;; I rewrote it like 20 times !**


	8. Chapter 8

**I need no introduction when you knock me out I get the fu-**

**Third person's POV**

Heavy rain, sheets of water falling from dark skies, flooded streets, clothes soaked, unnatural darkness of the afternoon.

"Alex please listen to me!... please!"

John's screams would be heard from several streets away if it wasn't for the sound of the lightnings and the heavy raindrops hitting the ground.

"Alex! Open the door, let me in!"

The rain was getting heavier by each minute. John's hair as well as his clothes were soaking wet as a consequence of the storm. The clouds above him oozed and billowed across the awakening sun, casting the meadow into a shadowy darkness. A jagged bolt of lightning ripped the sky in half.

The never-ceasing tears mixed with the liquid of the cloudy sky. His body was shaking, but not because of the freezing weather, not because of the dread he had for lightnings, but because since an hour ago he has been yelling Alexander's name in front of his house as loud as he could but there was no response.

He knew Alex was inside, and for that reason he wouldn't move nor leave until Alex came out and talked with him.

"Please...let me in..." John said quietly between sobs. He had no energy, his legs failed him completely and he fell to the ground. "I love you Alex! Please let me in!"

It was Alexander's second bottle of beer that he drank on this hectic night. Sitting on the floor of his apartament with his back reclining on the door that separate him from John.

Alex tried to contained his tears and prayed to go deaf so he wouldn't be able to listen to John's regrettable cries, which were killing him painfully slowly.

"I will never forgive you. You don't know how much I hate you right now" Alex said tightening his teeth before bringing the beer back to his lips.

If John wouldn't have cheated on him...If John would have just told him that he would never love him back the way he did. He would have understood...and John would be free. But now.. it was too late. John had to wait until he was head over heels for him to stab him on the back.

But what pained him the most was that just about an hour ago he was going to propose to him...thinking he wanted to spend the rest of his life with John and that John felt the same way too.

But John lied to him, he even slept with another man.

"Alex..! I know you are there! Open the door... listen to me!"

Alex with all his strenght throwed the bottle of beer to the floor, completely shattering it into pieces. Aggresively he stood up and opened the door.

For a moment his heart sank when he saw the man he loved soaked, shaking and with his eyes red from all the crying. It was a good thing for his heart that it was raining because that made John's tears less visible.

"Don't you understand that I don't want to see you" Alex said

"Please.. we have to talk"

"There's nothing to talk about, but if that's what you want."

Alex forcefully took John's wrist pulling him inside the apartament. Consumed by rage he did not notice how harsh he was when he pulled him in and throwed him to the couch.

"Go ahead! Say something. But do it fast because I'm sure your lover must be waiting for you to open your legs for him because you are that easy."

"Alex. Do not talk to me like that. You can regret it."

"How do you want me to talk to you then? You are just a whore! You lost all the respect that I once gave you when I was an idiot"

"You don't know what you are saying. I didn't do anything wrong... I don't know where all of this cheating-thing is coming from when the only man I've loved is you. I've only been yours Alex.. There's no one else." Said John between sobs as he stood up and took Alex by his arm.

"Don't touch me!" Alex shouted. "You disgust me. Just looking at you disgusts me."

John lifted his hands to his mouth so more cries wouldn't come out. The hot tears already welling up in his eyes. John never expected Alex's words to hurt so much, it was like a thousand knives just pierced through his heart. It hurted him, it hurted to listen such harsh words coming from Alexander's mouth.

And thinking that just an hour ago he was all excited to see Alex. But what he received when he arrived was nothing but his rage. Unjustified hate. That feeling that he never thought Alex would ever feel towards him.

Alex accused him of cheating, of having an affair with someone else, when the only thing he did was going to his place expecting to see Alex as loving and affectionate as always.

When he saw Alex with bags underneath his eyes... traces of tears all over his cheeks, he instantly knew that something was wrong.

The way Alex walked towards him made him tense.

Alex forcefully took John by his shoulders.

"Get out of my house! I don't want you here!"

"What happened?...Why are you saying that? I don't kno-"

"Get the fuck out!" Alex shouted at his face. "If you do not leave right now... I swear... I'll kill you"

Alex's eyes had been so frightening that John had no choice but to run away. Asking himself; Why did Alex treat him that way? Why does Alex hate him so much so suddenly?..

After a couple of hours of wandering the streets, unable to go to his family because they lived too far, or to his friends because neither Laff or Herc would answer their phones, he tried to take in all of what had happened.

The same question repeating on his mind over and over again...Why did Alex think he was cheating on him?

Not being able to find an answer he made his way back to Alexander's. Hoping to fix this misunderstanding.

But it did not go as planned. Alex insulted him more and hurted him physically by throwing him to the couch once again.

"You still have the guts to come back and ask!? Are going to deny that you are in love with someone else! "

"I don't even know who you are talking about Alex! Since the day I met you I never loved anyone but you!"

"Tsk. You are the worst. You dare to lie to my face when I already know the truth! Are you going to deny that you cheated on me with Lafayette?!"

"What? No! Why are you saying that. I don't know why you think that but I never had anything more than a friendship with Lafayette... You have to believe me... It's the truth."

"Oh? So it wasn't just Lafayette? At how many men have you opened your leg-"

Alexander's words were interrupted by the hit he received.

John slapped him on the face.

John loved Alex but he wouldn't let anyone talk to him like that.

"Leave" Alex said quietly. Then raised his voice "Leave and don't ever come back! Disappear from my life!"

John hiccuped and dried up his tears with his hands.

"Alright. If that's what you want. I'll leave. But before I do let me tell you something... you are going to regret this Alexander and when you do, you will be the one on his knees begging me to forgive you, but keep on mind that... by then it'll be too late. " John turned around and walked out of the apartament.

John's eyes full of tears was the last thing Alex saw before he left, at the sound of the door being closed with a bang Alex fell on his knees to the floor. He couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He sobbed and cried, just like the day he lost his mother as a child.

"I love you John...and I hate myself for it"

Sometimes the person you'd take a bullet for is standing behind the trigger.

**-Time Skip-**

**Third Person's POV**

His days repeated the same cycle over and over again. Coffee, paperwork and bad decisions were the only things that filled his empty life.

John left and with him he took Alex's good side, dreams and hopes.

He wandered around his house and noticed the letter that broke his heart on the counter of his kitchen.

Yes, he kept the letter. Even if just looking at it made his heart ache, it was the only thing left from John.

He grabbed the letter and tighten his grip around it.

Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the single person you thought would never hurt you.

He took a deep breath...and started searching and scanning for answers in everyline, for some kind of sign.

As he read the letter for the thousandth time he felt that somethig was off...Something didn't make sense. Lafayette would never do this to him or Hercules...right? I mean, Lafayette and Hercules have been dating for almost 4 years, but still lately they didn't seem to be doing good. Hercules seemed down most of the time.

What if it was just a cruel misunderstanding? What if he was wrong?

No. The letter from John to Lafayette proved the contrary. The paragraphs that he read were very clear. He knew that John and Lafayette always shared a special bond. They were childhood friends afterall. But even knowing that, Alex thought that with time, him and John would have a deeper bond. But again what he read proved him wrong.

Alex heard a knock on the door.

The first thing he saw as he opened the door was Hercules' fist aiming to his face.

Alex massaged his redden cheek "What the hell Hercules?!"

"You are an idiot. The stupidest man I know!"

Was he crying?

Hercules wasn't the kind of person that cried and much less the kind of person that hitted or insulted people out of nowhere.

Did he find out?

Hercules kept sobbing as he throwed multiple pounches on Alex's chest.

"Hercules, calm down" said Alex holding Hercules' wrists.

"How could you do that to John?!"

Right. Hercules and John were like brothers, it was understandable that he would defend John even though he did something wrong.

"I see he already told you his version of the story"

"He told me everything ! He told me how you accused him of cheating with Lafayette!"

"It is true"

"No is not!. Lafayette is my husband. We married in secret. How can you doubt your friend? How can doubt the man you love!?"

Alex did not say anything. Hercules was mostly right but the memory of that piece of paper would atorment him day and night. Because he still loved John, even though he was trying to forget him.

In an attempt to calm down, Hercules seated on the couch. Alex took the folded piece of paper from the kitchen counter and gave it to Hercules.

"Here. Read this. It is a letter from John to Lafayette"

Hercules surprised took the letter and unfolded it. From the very first paragraph his eyes widened, and when he finished to read it his face hardened.

Hercules curled the paper into a ball and throwed it to Alex.

"You are the biggest idiot I've ever known! That letter I wrote it for Lafayette"

"No. I found it in one of John's jackets--"

"Yes. And what?" Hercules interrupted him "I gave it to John so he would give it to Lafayette for me. My assholes homophobic parents did not want me to marry Lafayette because he was a guy. They wouldn't even let me talk to Lafayatte... John was the only way in which I could send Lafayette letters. Lafayette and I eloped and got married in secret from our family and friends. John is not cheating on you with my husband or with anyone else!"

Alex growled and held his head between his hands. Then he turned to Hercules.

"John sent you right?"

"Are you fucking serious?" Hercules tightened his teeth. "You know what, maybr leaving you was the best decision John ever made, a man that doesn't trust the one that he loves deserves to die alone... I warn you Alexander, even when you realize how wrong you are I myself will make sure John never forgives you"

With that said Hercules walked out and closed the door sharply.

Alex hid his head between his hands and let his knees fall to the floor. His head throbbed. The pain felt like someone had taken a knife to his skull. He had to clear this up and find out what really happened or else he would go insane.

A part of him yearned everything to be a misundestanding, but another part of him was terrified...because he knew that if he was wrong...John would never forgive him.

-**Time skip-**

**Third person's POV**

"Hercules told me everything, I assumed you'd look for me. Sit down" offered Lafayette.

"Here I am. I came here so you can clarify whether I'm wrong or not"

"Fucking yes you are wrong. John never approached me with intentions of wanting something more than a friendship. And even if he did, I wouldn't have accepted him because I love Hercules and you are my friend Alex. I would never do something like that to neither of you"

Lafayette looked away.

"I can't understand you Alexander You doubt the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and the worst part is that you thought that I, who considers you a brother, would be able to betray you and sleep with your partner... You surprise me Hamilton. I did not think you'd be such a coward."

Alex closed his eyes and tighten his fists "I screwed up didn't I?"

Regret washed over him like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down his spine. How he longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible. There was no way back.

"Yes you did. But even if you deserve John's hate and even more... You are still my friend and I will support you. Talk to John. And god, pray that his love for you is big enough to forgive you"

**End of chapter 8**

**I had such hard time writting this chapter because I couldn't decide whose POV would be the most appropiate for this chapter. I feel like it turned out well.** **See you next chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Alex's POV**

It is now winter; the hibiscus is no longer in bloom. The red slowly faded, petals falling off each day. I still look out the window, however, longing for it to be spring again. Longing to be able to turn back time. To a time where the blossom trees are full of pale pink petals, creating awnings over pavements.To the time when John was by my side. To the time eveything was right.

A month has passed since John and I broke up. I've been trying to get in touch with him but as if he had never existed I couldn't find a trace of him. Nobody knows where he is. And of course he wouldn't pick up his phone.

Every day feels like a year without him. Time had begun to dissolve into itself, as shapeless as the rain. This loneliness is a vice on my heart, squeezing with just enough pressure to be a constant pain. It kills me every day just a little bit more, taking what was once my inner light and replacing it with a darkness that overshadows each moment.

And in this darkness I've been wondering..

How could I've been such an idiot?

How could I have allowed my pride to win over me?

Why did I let him go without telling him I was his?

How did I let jealousy corrupt my love?

And now I'm paying for that very expensive error. Remembering every minute he is not by my side. Sometimes I replay the events in my head and wonder what was the right words to say. I never felt so alone and yet only one person can cure the empty feeling in my heart. I want to cry in frustration because I know I am all to blame. So I listen to the sad songs and cry to the ones that touch too close to the truth. My eyes need a break, and I feel dehydrated anyway so I can't even cry anymore which is more frustrating because it feels like something is being taken from me. The ability to express the hurt I feel deep inside.

Sometimes, the attachment surprises me especially when I think I am ready to move on. But I'm brought down to the lowest part of myself that my mind can bring. I need him. I don't want to be without him.

Like a fish out of water

Like a fish out of the sea

Drowned without love, without being able to breathe.

The memory of him walking out of the door crying kills me. Because I know I was the reason for those tears. The memory of me telling him that I wanted him to dissapear from my life chases me. I remeber how I swallowed that anger when it was a fire-seed and forgot to drink something cool, and so it grew in my belly until it came out as hot as any dragon has ever flamed... on the person I loved most. I'll never forget his eyes, how that fire burnt him to ash. He loved my sparks of passion, the way I sizzled even in the rain, but that inferno was more than his heart couldmanage. He disappeared from my life. He left my side and I feel like I cannot breath. Just like the old saying 'you don't know what you have until you lose it' I didn't know it'd be this hard to be without John until I lost him.

From the very beginning I knew I wanted John in my life, but since he left I feel like he accidentally took my life with him. Because every minute in the clock has a memory of him. In every direction I go, I stumble with memories of him. And I debate between crazy and sane

Trying to forget but stuck in his memory. The memory of his caresses, his smiles, his eyes, of the sexy way that he whispered his words in my ear, the memory of those days that his scent got stuck on my skin..

The sea, gardens, flowers, what was once sweet for me now tastes like salt.

I feel as though energy is being constantly drained out of me, as though I'm leaking electricity. Every night is a futile tussle of conflicting thoughts.My head was filled with several thoughts and "what ifs" constantly flooding into my brain. I can feel the tiredness inside me like a worm, slowly but deliberately draining my life. I'm alive, but I'm not really living. I hear, but I'm not really listening. Everything seems to move in a dragged pace, all submerged into a hazy fuzz that is my vision.

The only thing that seemed to matter for me was the question I longed to have the answer for.

"Where are you John?"

**Third person's POV**

Alex felt his phone ringing awakening him from his day dreaming.

He brought the electronic device out of his pocket to check who was calling. He wore a puzzled expression.

It was Angelica.

Hesintant he answered the phone.

"Hi Angie"

"Congratulations"

"Wha-"

"You have invented a new kind of stupid. A damage-you-can't-never-undo kind of stupid."

"...Who told you?"

"Hercules"

"It was misunderstanding.."

"You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind"

"...I know"

"We know where he is"

Alex stayed silent.

"I'll send you the address. Whether you go or not it is up to you, but listen to me Alexander if you are going to hurt him even more then don't even bother"

Angelica hung up the phone.

Angie: [address]

Angie: Do what's right.

A.Ham: Thank you.

He took a minute to analyze the address. It was John's mother's address.

If Alex remembered right John's mother's house was about 2 hours away by train.

Without any doubt he put on some proper clothes and walked towards the closest train station.

As he walked he hesitated wondering if it was the best choice to see John. As Angelica said he could hurt him more which would make the situation even worse. Doubt suddenly shot through him like a piercing arrow destroying resistance.Inside he was love and frustrations, ambition and fear.He felt lost and confused, but happy and certain. Like a ball of tangled yarn. The parts that are untangled are available, useable; the rest is a mess, useless until it is untied. That mess feels endless and at most times unyielding.

Worry grew like a corrupted, malicious and perfidy tree. Its branches twisted.But, seeds of hope wormed into the ground and no matter how large and terrifying the darkness was, it endured like a small pebble to last infinitely and yet grow and grow allowing them to get up in the morning for hope is what gets you out of bed.

Slightly shaking his head he tried to push all the negative thoughts away. He had to concentrate in what was really important. He had been longing to see John from the very moment he left his side, he couldn't back down now. There's hope, even if his brain tells him that there isn't, he would work hard to make things better. Great things take time, and for John he had all the time in the world. A glimmer of hope spread throughtout his mind. His chest feeling warm at the thought of lifting the huge weight that was on his shoulders after not being able to tell John how he felt and how sorry he was. Whether the outcome would be good or bad he didn't want to give up before even trying.

Hoping for the best he let his body sag, his muscles become loose and continued walking to the train station.

-**Time Skip-**

**Alex's POV **

I was standing in front of John's mother's house. Angelica told me he would be here.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

**Nobody's POV **

"Alexander is here" said John's younger sister, Martha.

His face was tense, his jaw flexed as he stared at her. "What does he want?"

"He wants to talk to you. What do I tell him?"

John stayed silent for a couple of seconds before answering. "Tell him I don't want to see him."

"Give him a chance. Maybe he's here to fix everything" Martha insisted.

"There's nothing to fix. Not after that night."

"At least you should listen to him. I'm sorry brother but I'll let him in"

"Martha...! No!"

But before he could stop her it was too late. She already left the room.

Five minutes later his sister was back in his bedroom.

"Hi John"

John's body tensed up at the sound of Alex's voice. It has been more than a week since he last saw his face. John felt his hands shake.

He was not ready for it yet. John still loved Alex even after he had hurted him. And he reproached himself for it.

He passed his hand throught his face trying to eliminate any traces of weakness in form of water before Alex saw him

"Go in" said Martha and left.

Neither Alex or John spoke a word for several minutes. The silence of the room made their blood as cold as the autumnal air that crept through an open window.The silence was a poison to them, for in that void of sound the shallowness of their conversation was laid bare.It lingered in the air, thick and heavy, like a blanket.

**Alex's POV**

My eyes couldn't leave John's figure.

Emotions come to my mind like the waves meeting the land.I felt like it has been decades since we last saw each other.

I wish I could say John hasn't changed at all. But there was something about his eyes that made him look like a total different person to me.

That usual sparkle his eyes that would appear everytime he saw me wasn't there. His eyes expressed nothing but coldness towards me. His cold gaze alone made my heartache, lacking its usual liveliness completely.

I tried my hardest not to think about the what ifs so I wouldn't be consumed in negative thoughts...but What if John didn't love me anymore? What if he never forgave me? What if from this very moment everything we've done together will just become a bitter memory? The fear sits on me like a pillow over my mouth and nose. Enough air gets by it, allowing my body to keep functioning, but it's crippling all the same.

John stood up from his bed and faced the window. Giving me his back.

What do I say? How do I start?

Million thoughts started to cross my mind... I've never been so scared of losing something in my entire life, then nothing in my life has ever meant as much as John does...

He turned his face to me again. ThenI spoke.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You don't know how regretful I am..." I felt my voice crack "from the deepest part of my heart I am begging you to forgive me"

John stared at me "That is the problem Alex. At this pont I don't even know if you have a heart" he said

"Let me explain, please"

I tried to take his hand but he drew it away.

"Don't touch me!" John took a step back "remember when I asked you to let me explain it to you! And what did you say? You called me easy, you said I disgusted you!"

"I know.." I tighten the grip of my fist "Those are words I never wanted to mention. I just said it because I was crazy, jealousy was killing me, I was confused... please forgive me"

"I said don't touch me!" John yelled when I tried to take his hand again. "You doubt me, you humilliated me, you kicked me out of your house, you treated me horribly. I cannot forget that" I noticed he tried his hardest so his voice wouldn't shake.

This is not going well...

"What can I do for you to forgive me?"

"Nothing. You can't do anything, because I cannot forgive you. Right now you are only apologizing because you know you were wrong. Hercules and Lafayette had to talk to you so you would believe me. You believe another person before you could trust me. You had to ask the whole freaking world before you could believe me! "

"I know...I'm so sorry John"

Why didn't I trust him?

He countinued, "Once you were my sunshine, the one for whom I lit from the inside. I used to feel a frisson of love even if my thoughts turned your way for only a moment. The image of your face once conjured my smile; I would yearn to dive into your eyes. I would have done anything you asked, given you whatever you wished for"

"John-"

"But I can't forget what you did, what you said, what you thought it was alright to do to me. Alex, I know you had these ideas about me, and the hurtful part is how fixed they appear, that you accepted them without question and asked me to justify myself. I won't. Replying to the lies drains my brain. These lies sap my energy and kill my spirit. You were supposed to be the one who stood by me forever and instead you are so mentally fragile that you can't believe in me against the smallest of whispers. Only a fool stays in a hurricane, I'm out. This is over Alex."

His words stabbed me like sharp pieces of glass through my heart.

Words left me. I stared into those bright green eyes burning with anger, and my heart fell silent. "Answer me!" he roared. But I couldn't will my lips to move. As if stuck underwater, everything was slow and warbled as he pointed a shaky finger in my face. "Do you have nothing to say? I have poured my heart out to you, now tell me what you're thinking!" he demanded. But my mind was blank and my eyes wide as I stared at him in horror. His eyes desperately searched mine… waiting. I had to say something! I searched my mind for something reasonable to say, but to my surprise my heart answered for me, "I love you,John"

I went on, "...I love you so freaking much. I hate myself for hurting you and even more for believing the worse of you... I miss you John. Every fucking second I'm not with you I miss you like crazy... because every cell of my body feeds on your love, because every minute without you is living in pain. You walked away and my life collapsed without me knowing it. Neither all life nor all the sea water can replace all the love you taught me to feel. Because without you, my hand has no use when I walk. Because without you I have no reason to smile..." I teared up.

He stayed silent, swallowing his own sobs. The guilt sat not on my chest but inside my brain. What I had done I could not un-do. Things have changed so much, so fast, I worry that I won't be able to control the ending of our story.

I kept going, "You look at me like a stranger, yet worse. Instead of the fragile soul you loved for so long you see an enemy. John, I never sought to hurt you. It's as if all that love became pain, pain became fear and the fear sowed hatred strong enough to break us. Maybe that's the way things go, a strong hate to break a strong love, to erect walls, to protect the self. That can't be us though, it can't be the end to our story. Can we find a fragment of the love we shared? A seed that might grow into a new relationship - a friendship to heal us both. I still see who you are, know the person you were to me. I know you are hurt and I'm sorry, truly; yet there has to be a part of you that knows I'm hurt also. If you can be softer, I can be too - I can take down some of these walls a brick at a time... I understand you hate me but I know that there is still love in your eyes, and even if it takes lifetime... I'll wait for you. Because John, not matter what I do as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow, so too my heart will beat only for you"

There was no response for about five minutes. On the inside I was panicking because the possibility of John forgiving me was slowly evaporating. On the outside I tried to look strong and determinated so John knew I meant every single word I said, something that was getting harder by each second that he did not say a word nor showed emotion.

Then he teared up.

John tighten his fists. "Why are you doing this Alex. Why...why...why.." he sobbed "I'm trying my hardest to forget you but a part of me will always miss you... a part of me wants you to come back... why can't I move on?...I can't forget your kindness, I can't forget your smiles, I can't forget the warmth of your soul, I can't forget the way you made me feel. But I cannot forget what you did either..." John said hugging himself as if he didn't he would fall apart.

A small wave of relief washed over me. Even though it broke my heart to look at John on this state, his words gave me hope. Which I thought it was lost by now.

"You don't have to accept me now John..." I tried to get closer but he took a step back. "I will wait. I will wait until you are ready. I will wait as long as it takes. And I promise you that I will love you every moment across time.." I was careful at choosing my words. Not wanting to make John any more stressed than how he already was.

I gave him one last smile and walked out of his room.

I wandered around the area taking in all of what happened.

**(A/N**: when Alex refers to "you" he's talking about John)

My heart aches at the thought of you never coming back to me...but I will not lose hope.

You hide your feelings and keep the truth locked away, but there is so much said in the things you don't say. You tell me our time has come and gone and that we can't go back, but I don't believe it and this time you are wrong. I can hear the love in your voice. My patience has no end when it comes to loving you and I will wait a lifetime for you to see the truth, real love doesn't go away, it doesn't fade into the past, it goes on forever and finds its way back. I will wait a lifetime for you because you are my soul, and behind all of your doubt I know you can't let go.

We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. I know there is a reason of why I'm still by your side.. because

You are my soul, and I'm yours too.

If two people were ever mean to be, it's you and me.

Please forgive me John...

**End of chapter 9**

**Originally this chapter and chapter 7 were combined. I decided it was for the best to separate it in two parts and this is how it turned out.** **I would appreciate your help if you, as a reader, could tell me whether you prefer a few long chapters or many short ones?** **It would help me a lot with future stories.**


	10. Chapter 10

**What time is it?**

**SHOWTIME**

**Alex's POV**

"Congratulations on your engagement" I said as I offered Burr a drink.

"Thank you Hamilton" He said as he closed his eyes for a moment "I'm very lucky to have found someone like Theodosia. She is an amazing woman" Burr replied. His mouth curved into a smile.

"She really is" I agreed

Aaron Burr and Theodosia announced their engagement a few weeks ago. I was really happy for them.

I raised my glass "I wish you the best for both of you. You two are wonderful people!"

He also raised his glass. "Thank you Hamilton. I wish you happiness for you too"

I swirled the whiskey in my glass, listening to the chinking of the ice cubes, breathing in a fragrance that only years in an oak barrel can achieve. Already the worries of my day were beginning to fade, even before the first taste. We both drank from our glasses. We stayed silent. The chattering of people, the sound of glasses clicking together filled the place. We were at a bar. Aaron and I grew closer because of our shared love for politics so we usually drink together to discuss vairous topics from time to time. Even though our personalities are opposites, we became good friends. I admit one day he would be a fairly good lawyer. I'd have to watch out for him.

If I had to describe our relationship with a single word...I would say we are 'rivals', but in a good way.

"Have you heard anything about John?" Burr asked.

Yes, he knows about my situation with John.

"No" I replied. My expression hardened.

We haven't seen each other in six months since that day at his mother's house.

Aaron massaged his temples "I'm going to say this just because you are my friend and I care for you... Alexander I think you should give up" he said trying to sound as gentle as possible.

"What?" His words shocked me.

"You haven't heard anything from him in six months Hamilton. You don't even know where he is"

I closed my eyes.

"Why are you still waiting"

"Because I love him. That's why Bu-"

"There is nothing you can do anything if he doesn't love you back Hamilton. You have to move on"

No words came out of my mouth

"What if he found someone else..."

"What the hell is this for Burr"

"I just don't want you to get hurt Hamilton. You might be waiting for something that might never happen."

"And you think I don't know that?! I know I may be waiting in vain but I cannot just give up."

"You have to let go Alexander!"

"Shut up!" I shouted. And slammed my fist down onto the counter. Anger boiled deep in my system, as hot as lava.

The bartender looked tense. Ready to take action if we started a fight.

"I just want you to be happy Hamilton. Can't you understand that? You can't keep reading the same chapter over and over again."

"It is not that easy to move on Burr" My head was down. "I don't want to forget him"

Burr looked at me with sadness on his eyes.

"You don't have to forget him but...if get you hopes up you might end up breaking you own heart. I'm worried about you"

"Burr every fucking day John's not here my heart breaks, hope is the only thing that keeps me from falling apart"

An awkward silence filled the atmosphere around us. I knew he just wanted to be a good friend but I don't want to listen to those words right now.

"I better go now. I've got some paperwork I have to take care of." I said as I placed money on the counter.

Before I could leave Burr grabbed my arm.

"Just think about what I said"

I didn't look at him.

He let go of my arm and sitted back on his chair.

"Goodbye Burr" I said and walked out the bar.

Since John and I last spoke everyone thought that I'd come back to a life full of irresponsibilities. But I didn't. I tried my best to focus on my studies and work hard to make my dream come true. I try to make myself busy so no negative thoughts would cosume me.

Another reason of why I'm trying to keep myself busy is because my birthday is getting closer. It's tomorrow actually.

I never celebrated it because I either had no money or family to spent it with. As a child it was a day I wish never arrived. I don't have any happy childhood birthday memories so I usually just ignore it. Spending it as if it was a regular day. Even when I was dating John I'd ask for him to not make a big deal about it. Still he'd make something sweet for me anyway, like macaroons or cheesecake. I'll admit that it did made me look forward to it.

I reached my destination and opened the door to my apartment. Well, let's get started on these papers..

**Third Person's POV**

_Peggs created a new group chat._

_Hotpants: what's this chatroom for?_

_Mr. Baguette: Herc! chère you are here. I miss you !_

_Hotpants: Laff we loterally saw each other 10 mins ago..._

_Mr.Baguette: So~?_

_Hotpants:..._

_Hotpants: I miss you too_

_Peggs: shush love birds. I created this group chat because we have an important matter to discuss_

_Angie: what is it?_

_Peggs: I'll tell you when you all get here._

_A.Burr: why don't you tell us here?_

_Peggs: because it is impoortant_

_Eliza: Peggy... what about Alexander?_

_Peggs: He's not coming_

_Laff: Pourquoi_

_Peggs: No more questions! ! Just come to the Schyuler residence rn._

_A.Burr: Ok.._

_Angie: *sigh* I was in the middle of something... I'll be there in a minute._

_Hotpants: Roger that. See you guys there._

_Mr. Baguette: I'll go with you chére!_

**Third person's POV**

A knock was heard on the door of the Schyuler's mansion.

Peggy opened the wooden door.

"Guys thank you for coming!" she said as she led her guests to the living room

"No problem Peggs." spoke laff as he went behind Peggy followed by Hercules.

"Burr is already here by the way" she added.

Angelica, Eliza, and Burr were chattering and laughing in the living room waiting for the rest. Laff and Herc took their seats on the sofa and greeted the others. Their voice babbled happily like a mountain river as the group of friends drowned into meanless conversations and chatter.

Peggy cleared her throat to get eveyone's attention.

"As you may know, tomorrow is Alexander's birthday. I called you guys here because I want us to do something special for him!"

Eliza looked at Peggy shyly, her eyes flickered with concern, "Are you sure this is a good idea Peggy...? I mean you know he doesn't like to do anything for his birthday."

"I know but wouldn't it be nice to throw a party for him? I mean he has been working so hard lately.." Peggy insisted.

"I'm on Peggy's side. What a better way to cheer someone up than to throw them a surprise party~" agreed Lafayette

"I think it is a good idea as well. I'm sure he's not feeling good right now" Burr added, his forehead furrowed.

"What do you mean Burr?" asked Angelica curious of his suspicious behavior.

"We kind of got into an argument today" explained Burr.

"What happened?" asked Eliza.

His mouth twitched, "It's a long story... I may have said something about John.."

At the mention of John's name the room became silent. A heavy silence settled over them, thicker than the uneasy tension in the atmosphere. Unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously around and tried to avoid catching other glances that passed by. Some shifted uncomfortably in their seat and others grasped their sweaty, nervous hands. You could cut throught the tension with a pair of siccors.

Everyone brought their gazes to the marble floor.

"Even if...it is not a party. I think we should give him a gift" Peggy said in an attempt to ease the awkward atmosphere.

"Well if we want to do something then it should be done as soon as possible. We don't have much time left" said Hercules

"But what do we do...?" Asked Angelica

Everyone was caught in bubble of deep thinking. What could possibly leave Alex at awe and at least for once admit it out loud that it is not bad to be treated nicely? Surely, they could simply give him something practical like a brand new watch or new clothes, but that wasn't the 'special' gift they were looking for.

"J'ai une idée! !" Lafayette said excitedly.

Confused looks were shared between the group of friends.

"He has an idea" translated Hercules.

"Yes I do! It is going to be kind of conplicated but I'm sure that if we succeed, Alex is definitely going to cheer up" assured Laff with a grin on his face.

-**Time Skip-**

Early in morning the artistic golden sun got up like a baby and started painting the dark black sky into a bright blue sky.

**Alex's POV **

-beep beep-

Lazily I turn off the annoying alarm clock on top of my bed-side dresser. I then strech my arms and legs so my muscles would lose any signs of tension.

My eyes wandered around my room. I don't have any classes today so I pretty much have all day to relax or maybe work on an essay or two. I give big yawn as I take my phone from the pedestal table next to my bed.

It was 8:00 am. A decent hour to wake up on a day off.

I put my phone aside and stand up from my comfortable bed. God I already miss sleep. I undressed myself and took a quick shower. Afterwards

I put some clothes on and head out to get breakfast. I don't feel like drinking instant coffee today.

On the other hand freshly brewed cup of coffee will be more than welcomed.

I walked to the nearest cafe in the area. The moment I went in, the strong smell of coffee attacked my nosetrils. It's early and the machines are yet to warm, so I ponder this chance to rest a moment longer, to drink in the aroma of this place.

I sit on a chair next to counter. The barista with tired eyes takes my order. I, of course, buy an expresso.

When my beverage was placed in front of me I did not hesistate and took a sip. The hot liquid making its way down my throat. Black as night, bitter as sin. Just perfect.

Suddendly my phone rang. The vibration feeling funny against my leg. It was Peggy.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAAAY" She literally yelled. I almost fell off my seat.

Right.. I forgot today is my birthday.

"Gosh Peggy you almost give me a heart attack"

She giggled. "Sorry, sorry. I got a little excited"

"Thank you for remembering Peggs. You are so sweet" I said. If she didn't call me I bet I would have forgotten.

"Aww How could I forget my best friend's bday? Anyway! I need you to come to my house at 4pm."

"Why?" I asked curious.

"Hehe it's a secret~"

I chuckled. Judging by Peggy's cheerful self I easily figured she must had arranged something for my birthday.

"You didn't have to Peggs"

"Shhh don't ruin the surprise Alex ! Goosh I wished you weren't such smart ass" she whined.

"Okay okay. I'll be at your place in six hours. "

"Yay!"

"See you later Peggs"

"See ya Alex!"

I hung up.

I stared at my phone and a small smile made its way to my cheeks. I don't know what I did to deserve such nice friends.

A blurry image of a pair of green eyes interruoted my previous thoughts. I wish he was here too...I guess this will be a bitter-sweet day.

-**Time Skip-**

**Third person's POV**

They all planned a nice birthday party. It was supposed to be a small tea-party with their circle of friends at the Schuyler's mansion. Peggy knew Alex wouldn't enjoy a big, fancy party full of people he barely knows. She wanted it to make it as special and comfortable for him as possible. She knew a bit of Alex's sad childhood, although not all, and she knew the reasons why he did not celebrate his birthday. He told her about it about year ago. She could clearly remember how Alex's voice would slightly shake as he talked it but of course John was there giving him emotional support.

She could also remember how relieved Alexander looked after he got everything out of his chest.

Her eyelids dropped. She strongly believed Alexander was able to change because of John. It pained her to see her two best friends suffering.

With the bits if Alex's past that Peggy heard she bet he never celebrated his birthday properly. So she had decided ti change that and guve him one memorable birthday party.

A day before, they went to the market and brought the necessary decoration articles. They decided for a few minutes on the food and other things with the Schyuler sisters. Angie ordered for the cake from the bakery Peggy asked her to.

They changed the table-cloth, cleaned the room and started with the decorations. They decorated the ceiling with paper buntings, bells and stars. Then blowed balloons and hung them all over. Doing that was great fun as some of the balloons bursted while blowing and others refused to stick to the wall. Angie had brought in the cake beautifully placed in a lovely platter and the knife too had a bow tied to it. Almost everything was ready by 3:30 p.m.

All of them worked together to make this small party happen so they were all there already. The only one left was Alexander himself.

**Alex's POV**

I payed the cab driver and made my way towards the Schuyler's mansion. I've never been here since Angelica, Eliza and Peggy's father is very extrict about who goes in and who goes out. I don't blame him though. With the ridiculous amount of money he has I would like to implement as much security as possible in case something happens.

I wonder why did they decided to celebrate my birthday here. I knocked on the door and waited patiently for any response.

I was welcomed by Eliza's sweet smile.

"Alex! We were waiting for you. Come in"

"Thank you." I said and made my way in while closing the door behind me.

The house was welcoming from the open door to the wide hallway. Upon the walls were the photographs of Angie, Eliza and Peggy, so obviously loved. The floor was an old-fashioned parquet with a blend of deep homely browns and the walls were the greens of summer gardens meeting a bold white baseboard. The banister was a twirl of a branch, tamed by the carpenter's hand, it's grain flowing as water might, in waves of comforting woodland hues. Under the lamp-shine it was nature's art, something that soothed right to the soul.

"Happy Birthday Alex!" Everyone shouted the moment I walked in the living room.

Surrounded by various party decorations were Herc, Laff, Angie, Peggs and Burr.

I couldn't help but smile.

Eliza grabbed my arm and led me to the center of the well decorated living room.

"Thank you guys.." I lifted my hand to chest.

"It was all Peggy's idea" said Angie.

I turned to Peggy. She took my hand. "I know, no, we know how hard you've been working since you moved here. I have no doubt that all the late nights and early mornings will pay off. I know you'd rather not celebrate your birthday but you, out of all of us, deserves to have a happy birthday memory to cherish once the day's over"

My eyes felt watery. I hugged Peggy.

And whispered "thank you"

"What are we waiting for? Faisons la fête! (Let's party)" Lafayette said as he throwed his right arm around Herc's shoulder and his left arm into the air.

"It's so cute how you guys can't keep your hands off each other~" squiled Eliza. "Ahh...I want to have something like that"

I chuckled.

Burr walked towards me.

"Happy Birthday Hamilton" Burr said on his usual polite tone. "About yesterday...I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that" he apologized.

"No no. It was my fault. You just tried to help me" I apologized as well.

"Let's cut the cake~. I'm starving and I bet it is delicious!" said Angie.

We had a great time. It was the perfect birthday in every sense, and in all the ways only the universe can give. It was even more special because my dear friends were there with me. I could hear them screaming with joy and could feel their feet disturbing the ground around me. Without looking, their smiles extended towards me. Peggy's face was an epic picture of pure excitement.

My heart beated with joy. I never

thought I'd ever feel this way. I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted. Thanks to them I learned that friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff.

I wish I could say that I felt complete but my heart knew that I'd be lying. I closed my eyes and placed my hand on top of my heart. Something felt missing.

I wonder if John remembered about my birthday. I doubt it.. but hey a person can dream.

-Time skip brought by my damm headache-

**Alex's POV**

The hours passed by and the sky was getting darker.

"I should go now guys. Tomorrow I have to wake up super early and I haven't slept in two days. I'm exhausted!" I streched my arms in an attempt to relax my back muscles.

Angie and Eliza looked at each other and giggled.

"What is it?" I asked curious.

"Nothing!" Said Peggy and pushed me towards the door.

"Wait Peggs. I want to say my goodbye to everyone" I said struggling to make my way back to the living room. Man Peggs got some strenght.

"You'll thank all of us tomorrow don't worry. Now go!" She said as she opened the door.

I stepped out. "Peggy?"

She managed pushed me outside and closed the door behind me.

Now that was weird.

I looked around me as I waited the uber I ordered to arrive. The Schyuler's residence was outside the city so I took this opportunity to enjoy the view.

The lingering light was obliterated by the rapidly falling night. The once salmon and purple sky transformed into a vast expanse of jet-black that engulfed the town. A canopy of luminous stars materialized amongst the ocean of blackness. Some were dull, merely flickering into existence every now and then, but there was an adequate amount of shimmering stars to illuminate the dark, moonless night. A sight that'd be hard to experience in the city.

A car stopped in front of me. I went in and gave the driver directions to my apartament.

After I've reached my destination I payed the driver and left the dark gray vehicle.

I opened the door of the building and walked towards the elevator. As the elevator went up floor by floor, I gave a big sleepy yawn. I'm so tired...

The elevator doors opened. I took my keys out of my pocket and walked down the small hallway with green doors at both of its sides.

The keys did their magic and I opened the door.

I notice the lights were on. Uh? That's weird I clearly remember they were off the moment I left my apartament.

As I entered I saw something that made my eyes widen like plates. My heart going crazy at the sight before me. Brown curly locks cascading down his back.

"Hi Alex"

"John"

**End if chapter 10**

**I apologize for any mistakes I made. I'm still figuring out how the whole publishing a story works so there are a few bugs? I hope not.**

**Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter**


	11. Chapter 11

**Alex's POV**

"_John_"

This is it. I must have lost my mind. John Laurens was stading right in front fo me in my apartment! I shook my head trying to make sure my eyes weren't playing cruel mind games with me again.

He turned around.

He stared at my face and then he gave me a smile that just seemed so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushed through me.

Although as sweet as his smile was I still couldn't believe he was there. I conviced myself I was dreaming. I haven't seen him in six months now. And I know it might not sound like a really long time but for me it felt like forever.

"What are you..." I did not to take a step foward or move a single muscle scared that he might disappear in a puff of smoke.

He seemed to notice my uneasyness because he walked towards me. His curls moving from side to side by each step he took.

"I'm sorry for coming here without telling you. I kind of wanted to surprise you...and judging by your face I guess I did" he giggled as his hands fidgeted with one of his curls. I figured he might be nervous too.

I had a thousand things I wanted to say but no words came out. A million feelings, a thousand thoughts, hundreds of memories, all for one person... It was overwhelming.

It was too much for my poor heart to take in. I didn't know what to say or how to even feel about this situation. Should I be happy? Or scared that I've gotten to the point I'm hallucinating. It looks like my body knew exactly what I wanted because without hesitation I threw my arms around his shoulders and hugged him tighly. Tears were welling up at the corner of my eyes. A wave of relief washing over me as I confirmed that this was not a dream. John was really here, between my arms.

It took him a few seconds but he hugged me back just as tight.

I closed my eyes to take in this moment to its fullest, scared this will be the last moment I'd have him like this. I rested my head top of shoulder. Don't call me a creep but damn I missed his scent so much.

We stayed like that for a few minutes.

A comfortable silence surrounding us. I felt all my worries and tension be pushed away as I melted into the hug.

But as much as I did not want it to end, I had to push him away.

"John... why are you doing here?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't misunderstand my question and get offended.

"I...had to see you. I've been missing you so freaking much Alex" John whispered as he lifted his hand to carress my cheek. "I miss your voice, your smile, your jokes, your hugs, your kisses, I miss my best friend...I'm so happy to see you." He said as he smiled sweetly.

His smile was one of happiness growing, much as a spring flower opens. I could see how it came from deep inside to light his eyes and spread into every part of him. A person smiles with more than their mouth, and I heard it in his voice, in the choice of his words and the way he relaxed. It was beautiful.

"I missed you too" I said, "It was hard being apart from you...not even knowing where you went.."

"I'm sorry" he apologized as he lowered his gaze to the floor.

"What?"

"I'm sorry for taking so long. I n3eded time to sort out my feelings.." His voice was breaking. "I...I was scared that if I came back right away and our relationship did not work then I'd really lose you forever. I never want to see you in my future as a stranger Alex. We've built so much together. I never wanna watch you walk by me as if we never met. It will literally kill me inside. I'm so scared of losing you. Althought we've made promises, I'm just scared that those promises won't mean much in the future. I don't know where we're heading. I'm worried... We started off as strangers and I'm really hoping that we don't end as strangers. I'd not only lose my lover but also my best friend.."

I took both of his hands and stared into his green eyes that were at the edge of shedding tears. I gave him an honest smile. "I've thought about it a lot too John.. . But, we simply can't abandon the ship every time we encounter a storm, real love is about weathering the terms of life together." My smile went from sincerity to one of sadness, "and even if this doesn't work...I promise our friendship will not be affected by it."

After what I said he let go of a big sigh in relief.

I chuckled.

He directed his gaze towards our interlocked hands. An instan grin spreading across his face. Drowing himself in his thoughts. I wish I could tell what was happening in his brain.

I took that opportunity to fully observe him.

If I had to describe the sight in front of me with one word I'd say 'adorable'. Those freckles decorating his face and neck made him seem like a galaxy of stars, just waiting to be explored and loved. His eyes were more than plain old green. They were the green the brings the earth back to life after an unforgiving cold. The green that revives grass from the harsh conditions of winter. The green that, even in the darkest times can be that light that shows you the way home. The beacon of hope in the dreariest of days. And there, in that moment. I knew the true answer. I had already found my home. For then, I had figured out. Home is wherever you can find it. And I found it in his embrace.

I brought my hand to lift his chin. We stared into each other's eyes for minutes. It felt like hours to be honest.

In the meantime I was having a civil war going on inside my head. I wanted to kiss him so bad, but maybe that'd scare him away. I don't want to ruin this before it even starts. But god his lips were so inviting.

Insecure I leaned closer. His breath hitting my lips sending shivers down my spine. The next thing I knew, he had slammed his lips to mine and nearly knocked all air from my lungs. Of course I gave in the kiss. He kissed me and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. My hand rested below his ear, my thumb caressing his cheek as our breaths mingled. He ran his fingers down my spine, pulling me closer until there was no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest.

We broke the kiss and I was brought back to reality.

"That was..."

"Amazing" I said finishing his sentence, "I'm so happy that you are back."

"Me too" he said.

"Uhm John... I am really sorry about what happened. I shouldn't have done..I-" before I could continue John placed his finger on my mouth.

"Shh. It's okay Alex... I forgive you. I want to let go of those negative emotions and move on the positive ones left. And... I should have told you about the letters between Lafayette and Hercules so it is partially my fault too" he went on

"Thank you John" I replied. "Oh by the way have you seen Lafayette or Hercules yet?"

"Not yet. But I hope I get to see them tomorrow."

"I bet they will be more than happy to see you. And the others too"

"I will meet with them as soon as I'm given the chance" he replied.

Then I took notice of the time. Noticing it was late.

"It is getting dark outside. Do you want to spend the night here?" I offered. As a city persom I can admit the city can be dangerous.

"Sure. Thank you Alex" he accepted my help.

John's eyes inspected the living room.

"This place is a mess" he said

"So it need amendments"

He chuckled "I'll help you out picking up this trash" he said as he bent over to pick up a handful of crumpled papers.

I did so as well but then stopped my actions. An impirtant quetion popping up on my brain, "Hey John. I've been wondering...How did you get in here? I mean I'm okay with it, but I'm pretty sure I locked the door before I left."

He scratched the back of his neck. "Oh About that... I kept the spare key you gave me when we were dating. So I just went in"

I nodded satusfied with his answer and went back to picking up the trash when John hugged me from behind. His action taking me by surprise.

"What is it John?" I asked curious.

He gave me a big smile. "Happy Birthday Alex"

I smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Thank you John" Then I smirked "no presents for me~?"

"I am the present" he said then he pointed to himself proudly.

I laughed, "I love my gift.. thank you."

"Actually, you shouldn't thank me" he added

I raised a brow, "What do you mean?"

"I am your present, to you, from everyone"

"Everyone?"

"Laff, Herc, Peggs, Angie, Eliza and Burr"

I tilted my head. Still not being able to figure out what he was trying to say.

"They called me."

"Oh" realization hitted me. That's why they kicked me out the Schyuler's place so early. "But we didn't know where you were...?"

"I was in South Carolina. That's why no one could get in touch with me. But they managed to find me anyway" he explained.

I should have known.. Sometimes I forget how powerful the Schyulers are "I tried everything to find you!...the Schyulers make it look so easily" I whinned.

John laughed. "I'm sorry."

"I can't believe they conviced you to come back when you didn't even want to see my face" I massaged my temples. Maybe Burr used his persuasive skills to talk him into in.

"That's not entirely true. I missed you so bad but I did not have the guts to see you. That call gave me the little push I needed"

I turned around and wrapped my arms around John. "Well I don't know how they did it but I'm just happy you are here!"

"Me too" he agreed "now let's get back to work or else we'll have to stay up all night cleaning this place!"

"Roger that"

Best Birthday ever.

**Sorry for the short chapter. The lovey-dovey was too overwhelming for me haha. (I love it tho _ )**

**I'm thinking of adding another smut scene. What do you guys think? Pleease help me out because I'm not sure whether add it or not.**

**Thank you.**

**Over and out!**


	12. Chapter 12

**So I decided to make another smut scene!.. Hope you like it.**v**If u are not comfortable with it just keep reading until I warn the smut part begins.**

**Third person's POV **

The gang was gathered at the Schuyler mansion. They were laughing, joking and talking non stop. The overexcitement was due to John. Even though they haven't seen one another in some time the bonds of friendship did not evaporate after all those sunny days.

"We are happy that you liked your birthday gift Alex" said Peggy.

Alex who was the happiest to have John by his side replied "Thank you so much guys. I'm so happy!"

"Long time no see John" said Burr in his usual polite manner. Of course that didn't mean he hadn't miss his friend or anything.

"I'm happy to be back" said John. A smile decorating his face. "If it wasn't for you guys I wouldn't had the courage to be here again"

"de rien mon ami (you're welcome my friend)" said Laff as he patted John on his shoulder as old friends would do.

"We missed you" said Eliza her deep black eyes sparkling with delight.

"It is nice to see you two back together" said Hercules.

"How did you know we are together?" asked Alex. He hadn't told them about it yet.

"I can figure it out just by looking at your face." said Hercules pointing at Alex.

"Oui. Your cheeks will hurt if you don't get that smile out of your face" said Lafayette as he took hold of one of Alex's cheek and squeezed it between his fingers.

"I don't knwo what you are talking about. I am not that obvious" said Alex pushing away Laff's hand.

John chuckled.

Angie smirked. "Suure"

Alex himself knew that what Herc said was true. Just as if a switch inside him had turned on when John came back his mood and days have become brighter. It's as if there's always a trail of gunpowder in his veins and John has the only match, letting it spark, bringing his soul out to play

Alex rolled his eyes. "Anyway.

Thank you so much all of you" said Alex giving his most sincere smile.

That smile that they haven't seen in months. Looks like their plan worked.

"You two have alot to catch up. So go on lovebirds!" Said Peggy gently pushing the couple.

John chuckled. "You are the best Peggy"

Peggy smiled and winked at him. "I know"

Alex took John's hand and the walked towards the door. Of course not without giving one last look to their group of friends. Alex couldn't help but think that he had the best friends im the entire world. True friendship is when someone knows you better than yourself and takes a position in your best interests in a crisis. They stuck by his side even though he had done something stupid and lost it all. They even brought back what he had lost.

If this isn't friendship then Alex didn't know what it is.

John and Alex walked out the mansion hand by hand.

They went to Alexander's apartament.

John had lost his apartment because of the numerous months he spent in South Carolina and did not pay the montly rent, leaving him with no place to stay. In the other hand Alex pays no rent because he owns his apartament. Because of these reasons and of course because they love each other John and Alex decided to live together.

They did most of the unpacking of John's properties before they have gone out to the Schyler's but they still had a couple of things to unpack.

They walked in a comfortable silence throught the streets of New York city.

The city was a vast, intricate, labyrinth of noisy, streets and alleys. You could hear the incessant honking of the vehicles waiting for the traffic light to turn green. Impatient businessmen who had to get to the office, tourists speaking in different languages amazed by the beauties of the city and its tall buildings.

But even though the city was rowdy. Alex and John were too busy in their own lovey-dovey bubble to notice it.

After a couple of minutes they finally arrived to their final destination.

"Do you have any bags left to unpack?" Asked Alex.

"Only a small one left. But I'll take care of it" said John.

As John unpacked the few stuff left. Alex slowly closed the space between them.

He grabbed John by the waist, pulling him up close against his chest. His hand gently glided through John's hair, as he looked at him in a way he had never looked at anyone before. John's eyes were candles in that night, their light a spark of passion... desire. As a small but teasing smile crept upon his face, goosebumps lined his skin, not the kind than one gets in the cold, but the kind one gets when nothing else matters except right here, right now.

Alex lowered himself and whispered into John's ear. "I'll wait for you in the bedroom"

John felt his face blush upon hearing those words. Alex's tone had been so sexy and full of lust. It has been a while since they had been intimate with each other. John knew that Alex was reaching his breaking point. Not wanting to suddendly be pinned down in the middle of the apartament John nodded.

Alex headed to the bedroom.

John's heart aggresively pounded in his chest just by the exciment of the million thoughts John was running on his head.

Once John was done unpacking he headed to the bedroom.

**!!Smut begins.!!**

**John's POV**

I made my way to the bedroom where I knew Alex would be there waiting for me. My breath hitched when I walked to see a very naked and very sexy Alexander waiting for me on the bed. I could never get over just how lucky I was to have this man's love and affection. "Come here John.." he all but purred out now the want and need clear on his face.

I smiled at him as I walked towards him stripping as I went so I remained only in my boxers. He smirked as he reached out for the hem of my boxers grabbing them and using them pull me down onto the bed and consequently on top of him. I blushed at this, I knew it was silly after all this time together but I was still self-conscious of my body around Alex. Even thought he always reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. He quirked a brow at me now his expression telling me he knew exactly what I was thinking about.

He released a soft sigh hugging me tighly before peppering kisses all over my face and neck. He knows that once he kisses my neck my resistance will crumble. After just a few delicate touches of his warm lips my hands will start to do his bidding. They will fall down his back as my head swims, all previous thoughts stopped in their tracks. Now there is only one desire, one wish, and we both know it's just a matter of time before it happens. When he let go of me he trailed kisses down further to my chest and stomach making sure to focus on my dusty pink nipple as well drawing out a few breathy moans. "I love every inch of you John," he mumbled against my chest while gazing up into my eyes, I felt myself getting lost in those dark brown orbs and all self-doubt left me. Seeing that I was no longer doubting myself he let out a small sigh of relief as he pulled back so he could place a loving kiss to my lips.

I happily returned the kiss getting lost in it as his hand moved to rub me through my boxers drawing out a rather loud moan which spurred him on more the kiss turned much more frantic in Alex's need to have me. I pulled away now to look him in the eye. "You don't have to hold back, take me," I told him my cheeks flaring in embarrassment but my eyes remained locked with his so he knew I meant what I said.

A small smile graced his lips at this as he reconnected our lips once more in a loving kiss his hands moving to rip my boxers from my hips. My blush increased tenfold at this and I shut my eyes tightly, he chuckled softly as he moved to kiss my eyelids "don't shut those beautiful green eyes always keep them focused on me and me alone~" he said softly. I blushed even more if that was even possible as I opened my eyes once more looking back into those brown orbs that lit up when I did so.

I pulled away and pushed him back onto the bed my entire face was red all the way to my ears and neck as I sat in between his legs I slid my fingers teasingly up and down his length till he was hard then I leaned in and gingerly licked the slit drawing out a soft moan from his slightly parted lips. This spurred me on as I took the head into my mouth I sucked on the sensitive flesh before swirling my tongue around it then tonguing the slit. I smirked around his engorged flesh when I felt his hands slid into my light brown hair, his moans getting louder and louder. I took as much of his length into my mouth as I could sucking harshly before starting to bob my head up and down. "F-fuck.. J-John..!" he moaned out starting to lightly thrust up into my mouth. This turned me on more than I thought possible as my cock twitched eagerly. Wanting to hear more of his delicious moans I decided to deep throat him which gained me so many sexy moans.

The hands that were fisted in my hair now pulled forcing me to let his cock slip from my lips with a loud pop i looked up at him pouting. A weak smile found its way to his lips now "If you kept going.. I'd have cum.." he said slightly embarrassed which I found absolutely endearing.

I captured his lips in a searing kiss as I straddled his hips to which he returned his hands running up and down my side. When we parted for air he flipped us over so I was now beneath him. Knowing that he'd prepare me first I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him down into a sweet and soft kiss before whispering, "you don't have to prepare me I'll be fine~" he looked a little unsure but nodded none the less.

He reached for the bedside table pulling out the lube he poured a generous amount onto his straining erection before lining himself up with my entrance and thrusting in. It had been such a long time since we'd last done it and even longer since we'd done it without preparation that it hurt like hell and I couldn't help but let out a rather loud cry of pain. "F-fuck I knew...I should have prepared you..." he groaned out "god.. you're too tight..!" He moaned out.

I grunted in pain as I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist bringing my hands up to rest at his nape bringing him back down for a kiss to which he returned devouring my lips and all my groans of pain. He started a rough and fast pace expertly aiming for the one spot deep inside me that would have me seeing stars and soon my groans of pain turned into moans and mewls of pleasure.

I was a moaning writhing mess beneath the brown haired Hamilton. He continued to ram into me. "Oh! A-alex.." I blushed as I tried to silence the moans leaving my lips deciding instead to bite onto my bottom lip not wanting the neighboor to hear me.

Noticing my plan he decided to dive back down and capture my lips in a passionate kiss successfully stifling my moans as he swallowed them all and just as well as his started to slam into me even harder than before. I could feel myself drawing nearer and nearer to my orgasm as I buckled my hips against his own merting him thrust for thrust driving him deeper and deeper into me. I could tell from the way his thrusts became more erratic that he too was drawing nearer to his own orgasm.

The moment his hand touched my erection I couldn't help but cum hard over both our stomachs with a loud cry of his name. My walls spasmed around his erection and after a few more rough and hard thrust he too came buried deep inside me. I panted heavily as Alexander pulled out and promptly laid himself over my stomach panting heavily too. As we came down from our highs Alex wrapped his arms around my waist snuggling into my chest completely content like this. I nuzzled into his hair. "We should tidy up before bed," I told him gently causing him to groan with effort of standing.

**!!Smut ends!! **

He got off and walked to the bathroon grabbing a warm wet towel he came back in after having cleaned himself to clean me up before throwing it back into the bathroom then getting back into bed promptly pulling me against his chest. I chuckled and turned to face him nuzzling into his junction of his neck and chest letting put a smal purr like noise. He traced circles onto the small of my back it was very soothing too. "I love you Alex..." I told him sleepily before drifting off to sleep.

**End of chapter 12**


	13. Chapter 13

**Third Person's POV**

Alex sat in silence staring at the night sky, leaning his head towards the sky, his arms stretched out along the bench sides. His mind wandering, trying to see if he could make out any familiar constellations. He had recently made plans to go out for dinner with John.

Thought they had been living together for nearly a year now, they hadn't been able to spend much time together recently. No longer could they sneak off to meet each other after class as they used to, having to take matters more seriously. No longer could their carefree days continue, living blissful naivety of the world around them. Soon their casual clothes would be removed for other clothes, suits and work attire. Leaving the past behind and moving on from their teenage dreams. Making new memories, uprooting from the homes they knew and the lives in which they were familiar with. Law classes were getting more diligent by each minute. This didn't leave much time to indulge or take things easy, often leaving them exhausted.

Sometimes falling asleep before they had the energy to even speak to each other, but this sometimes left them feeling guilty.

They were trying to spend as much time together as possible, each moment they got to enjoy a date together was precious.

Trying to work out their career paths slowly but surely, taking uneasy steps unsure of every possibility that came their way. They believed in one another, they loved one another, having found their soulmates without ever realizing it.

The night air was cold, Alex could see his breath in the air like puffs of smoke. Almost hypnotising to watch, the swirls of condensation appearing before him, something so natural was so fascinating. The chill tingling his fingertips and cheeks though it was spring, it was still as little chilly at night. Ever since he was a kid he had always found the night sky so beautiful, he knew that no matter what happened the sky would always grant him peace of mind for at least a minute or two. Even when the hurricane destroyed his hometown, he couldn't deny that the yellow sky looked amazing. At that very moment he thought he'd die looking at the sky, but miraculously he survived.

The giant orb that was the moon beaming down on him from space, illuminating the world in it's silver white light from above. He sighed in relief. It was hard to find a place like this on the busy city.

Eventually, he heard the distant sound of someone running, out of breath. The sound of shoes clicking on the ground, their heavy breath lound in the air. A fond smile slowly appeared on his face, a fondness filling his heart. It really had been way too long since they went out just the two of them. As he lifted his head and turned to face him the love in his heart grew if that was even possible. John appeared before him, his usual light brown curls fixed in a half ponytail. He was wearing a sleeveless button-down green shirt, white vans, a pair of black skinny jeans and a black choker around his neck. Alex smiled when he saw the turtle keychain he had bought him on their first date hanging on the side of his jeans. (A/N: Yes I wear keychains like that too)

John stopped as he got closer, leaning foward wearily. Heavy breaths escaping his lips, panting breathlessly as he overcame his exhaustion from running here as fast as he could.

"I'm sorry Alex, Laff an Herc asked me to do some things for 'em" John apologized.

Alex softened, his expression becoming concerned. John had no jacket, meaning he had to have left it at Laff and Herc's place immediately in order to see him putting aside his worries and concern about his well-being in order to see him. Causing him to worry he would get cold.

"Uhm John, aren't you forgetting something?" Alex asked.

As happy as he was to see John, he didn't mind waiting a little longer for him to get ready. Though he was surprised Laff nor Herc hadn't told John about his jacket before he had left it in their house. Usually they were always pesteringcJohn about how forgetful he could be.

John blinked in confusion. He didn't think he forgot anything that he could recall.

Alex softened and sighed heavily, "I mean you look adorable but aren't you gonna get cold dressed like that?" He asked.

The sleeveless shirt showed off the freckles on his shoulders that Alex loved so much but the weather wasn't really that warm yet making him worry about him. He would still look cute in a hoodie or a sweater. I mean John could dress as cute as he wanted when the summer came around, but for now it was better to be a little bit more sensible. But there was nothing they could do about it now.

John realized that he had left his jacket at home and panicked, he thought he had been so prepared for their date "Aw crap, I knew I forgot something" he whined in furstration. He had gone over everything he could think of before he left. He didn't want to go all the way back, it would be a waste to go home after coming all this way to see Alex. They had been planning this for ages and he had to go and ruin everything with his forgetfulness.

Alex got up slowly, not saying a word. He slowly began to take off his jacket before placing it over John's shoulders. It would still be warm from his body heat and shield John from the cold. Alex was wearing a white O neck long sleeved shirt and his flying jacket. He was pretty thick skinned, a little cold like this wouldn't bother him, John was different. He was smaller, scrawnier, he had lower tolerance for the cold.

John blushed at this gesture, looking up at him cautiously "Are...are you sure it's ok?", John didn't want Alex to get cold too because he was incompetent. You'd think after all this time John would be more than this. He was willing to walk back to their place to grab a jacket, they could make the most of the moment. Sometimes you just had to adapt to a situation, making the best of the moment until things started to go a little smoother. Yes it was frustrating but things could go worse.

Alex kissed his forehead gently "I'm thick-skinned, no worries" he reassured him with a wink. He had a hard childhood after all. He then reached out to take his hand, interwining his fingers with his, leading him along into the night. Reassuring him that everything was ok, but he was touched down by how much John worried about him.

It was a lovely evening, laughter and love being shared between the two lovers. Realizing how long it had been since they had been able to take things easy and simply share their affections. Nobody else existing in the world at that moment but the two of them. They weren't exactly the fanciest of couples and more casual in their activities together. But still held a lot of romance in whatever interest they took part in. They went for ramen bowls, filling their aching empty stomachs with a hot bowl of goodness. The soupy broth, egg, meat, and noodles all coming together and satisfying their hungered states. Alex knew all the best places due to visiting in the past with the Schuyler sisters.

Thought sometimes he felt bad about the fact he never took John to a nice restaurant and more fancy places. However, he could never afford some of those places.

John was always so happy to see him and sinply took pleasure on being by his side, he was a simple person who indulged happiness of his beloved. John wasn't hard to please, he was versatile and was good at adapting to situations by communicating with each other to make things easier. He was a strong man and had a heart of gold.

They walked slowly down the street, hand in hand as the twinkling lights of buildings glittered in the darkness. Their faces warm from the food and pink from the cold. Amused laughter being shared between them as they reminisced and joked together.

Alex kept John close to him, making sure he was kept inside of the road so he was safe from danger. His eyes pinned anyone who looked at John funny. He was very protective of John, he was his everything after all the memories they had shared together he feared to lose him... Again.

They walked to central park leaving the never-sleeping city behind their steps.

They sat on a bench they've found next to the lovely water fountain that every park should have. As chessy as Alex could be he asked John if he wanted to throw a penny into the fountain and make a wish. Alex did not believe in those kind of things but he had his reasons behind his request.

They stood up from their shared bench and walked towards the fountain.

Alex took out of his pocket two shiny pennies and gave one to John.

"Make a wish" whispered Alex.

Even thought John was a bit confused because he knew Alexabder was not into this kind of superstitions he held the penny close to his chest and threw it into the beautiful marble fountain. Alex did so, as well.

"What did you wish?" Asked John curious.

Alex took a deep breath as if he had to prepare himself to reveal what his wish was. "I wish to spend the rest of my life with you" answered Alex.

John blushed profusely, his eyes widening as Alex reached for a small box in his pocket and kneeled.

Alex slowly opened the small box revealing in its inside a beautiful engagement ring.

"John.. Thank for sharing your love with me, for inspiring me to accept myself, for helping me see the unique beauty in imperfection, for showing me that love is something you do; something just not to be said, but also to be shown. If I know what love is, it is because of you." Alex took John's hand, "I admit along the way there will be hardships that'll try to haunt us down but I know that together we will face them and extiguish them. Against all odds and despite all the obstacles, we are going to make it... John.. will you spend the rest of your life with me?" finished Alex, his eyes looking directly at John's so he will know he meant every word he said.

John started to giggle and reached out for something in his back pocket. It was a small box as well. Still laughing John kneleed and opened the box revealing an engagement ring.

"I wanted to propose too" John admitted.

Alex widened his eyes.

"I guess that's a yes" he said.

Alexander and John looked at each other and started to laugh inmercily. John had also made plans to propose to Alex that very same day. They found such unusual coincidence humurous. They couldn't stop laughing. Their breath came in quick gasps between their unstopable giggles. Tears gathered in the corners of their eyes, threatening to spill.

After their laugher had died out. They helped each other to stand up.

Alex took John's hand and slipped the beautiful ring on John's finger. John did the same thing as well.

They stared into each other eyes.

Alex moved his head closer to John. leaning in, so John's forehead rests against his. They closed their eyes, both their breaths shaking.

"Thank you," John says in barely more than a whisper.

"For what?" Alex replies, his voice low and husky.

"For being you." His voice expressing nothing but affection and sincerity.

John gently leans in and kisses Alex's warms lips. They pull apart and take shaky, shallow breaths. Unable to contain themselves anymore, Alex holds John's head in his hands and pulls him into a fiery and passionate kiss. His hands work their way around his body, feeling each crevasse, each line along his perfect physique. They pull apart and open their eyes. They stare at each other, deep into each other's eyes. Alex's full of wonder and love, John's full of curiosity and passion. No words are spoken but a story worthy of them is communicated. They smiled.

Alex wrapped John in a warm swaddle of his chest and arms.

In Alexander's embrace the world stopped still on its axis. There was no time, no wind, no cold. John's mind was at peace. He felt Alex's body press in, soft and warm. This was the love he'd waited for, prayed for. He inwardly thanked God and hugged all the tighter. A love like this was to be cherished for life. Finally, he was home.

**End of chapter 13**


	14. Chapter 14

**Jesus Christ this will be fun.**

**Da da da da da**

**Alex's POV**

There's less than a week left before my wedding day.

I know it sounds beyond the bounds of possibility, I myself can't believe it, but in five days I'll be happily married to the love of my life.

If I have to be completely honest with you I'll tell you wedding planning isn't as easy as it seems; the guests, the invitations, the sitting, the food, the drinks, etc... heck with everything going on the ceremony itself wasn't our biggest worry.

Luckily we had John's family and our friends to help us out. Plus ou trusted wedding planner. Peggy Schuyler.

_-**Flashback begins-**_

**_Third Person's POV _**

_"Congratulations on your engagement guys!" Said Peggy, her eyes glowing with excitement__"_

_Thank you Peggs" Alex replied_

_"You took so lon-- AHH" Peggy screamed as she jumped off her seat. The color drained out of her face_

_"__What's wrong?" John asked_

_"Uhh I felt something weird touching my ankle" said Peggy lowering herself so she could see what was underneath the table_.

_"Oh Franklin ! Long time no see" said Peggy lifting the small turtle from the ground "you scared the hell out of me!_"

_"Uhm actually that's not Franklin" said John with a small chuckle._

_"That's MiSHELL" Alex added_

_Peggy studied the turtle "Oops, I'm sorry ma'am" she said apologetically placing the small turtle back on the floo__r._

_Alex chuckled in response "I'm surprised you didn't notice it. MiSHELL and Franklin look nothing alike"_

_"Uh I don't know about that. I bet only you two can tell them apart" said Peggy looking at MiSHELL leaving the room at a painfully slow pace._

_Then she turned her attention to Alex and John back again._ _"So.. You two are engaged AND got a new turtle? Gosh I was gone on a trip for only two weeks!" She whined_

_The two boys laughed_

_"So what did you guys wanted to talk to me about?" Peggy asked_

_Alexander took a deep breath as his expression closed up "Peggs.. there is something we want to tell you" he went on_

_"What is it?" She asked curious_

_"We...wanted to ask if you wanted to help us plan the wedding" John said._

_At Peggy's surprised face, he explained, "I mean, we'll get a real planner towards the end to be there on the wedding day and take care of business but, we've been talking and we want you to be a big part of all of this."_

_Peggy grinned and nodded excitedly. She was trying her best not to scream in happiness. Her friends wanted her to plan their wedding! She was overjoyed and might actually explote in excitement._

_"Of course! I-I have my wedding binder from that project in high school! It covers all the wedding basics so we know where to start! I'll go find it!"_ _Peggy jumped from her seat and ran towards the door leaving the apartament._

_Alex just shook his head and smiled and looked at his fiance. "I have no idea why you were so worried"_

_John's mouth curved into a smile, "Hey can you blame me? I didn't know if she'd say yes. I was dead nervous" answered John letting the air in his lungs, he didn't know he had been holding to, go. _

-**_Flashback ends-_**

**Alex's POV**

Peggy has been helping us a lot. You'd say it is a dumb idea but that binder did cover most basics of a wedding. God bless Peggy's high school teacher.

John and I have been busy working on the preparations for the wedding. I'd be lying if I told you that it was not tiring as hell but the mere thought of John becoming my husband made it all worth it. It also helped the fact that John's mother supported us. To be honest I was scared she might have...uhm a hard time accepting our engagement but instead she took in the news happily. I was so relieved and my chest felt warm when I saw John smile the way he did when his mother gave us her sincere blessing. Although the air became a bit heavy when John's father's name was mentioned it was nice to hear how John's mother added how proud her husband would be to see his son graduating from college, about to become a lawyer and with someone who he'd be able to share memorable moments with. It is hard to explain... but thanks to John's mother I felt accepted.

I wonder if my mother would be also proud of who I've become...

John and I were walking around the neighborhood. The night sky was black tranquility married to a poetry of stars. It was the softness that called body and brain to rest and let the heart go to its steady rhythm. Night came as a reward of sorts, a restfulness above to calm the soul.

I let myself become one with the tranquility of the night as I hold onto John's hand.

"Uhm Alex...can I ask you something..?"

My lashes fluttered "Sure John, what is it?"

His forehead creased "Do you... do you have any idea where you father is at the moment?"

I stopped walking.

"I-I'm sorry for asking such personal question.. it's just that since we are going to get married I was wondering whether he'd come to the wedding..." explained John

I put on a half smile "It's okay John. I don't mind talking about my family with you. You are my fiance afterall" I said tightening the grip of my fingers around his, "About what you said... he has tried to contact me a couple of times but I never answered back. Even though I'd love to have a father figure, someone to look up to. I just can't forgive him for what he did to my mother and me. He stopped trying to reach me about a year ago. The last letter I received from him said he was in Londres"

"What was he doing in Londres?"

"He metioned he was the owner of a small sugar factory in England. Nothing too big nor too small. Stable enough for him to have a comfortable life without any economical issues."

"Do you think he's still there?"

"I don't know. As far as I know he might" I concluded

"Are you.. going to invite him to the wedding..?" He asked nervously

I stayed silent. I know tensing against the shaking of my limbs is useless but I do it instinctively, trying to suppress for a few more moments what I know I cannot, "I don't know..." I managed to say.

"Why don't you try contacting him again? I mean I know it'd be hard for you because of the wound he left on you but... I still think it'd be nice to have your father at your... our wedding" he insisted "If you have the opportunity to go back to your family you should take it"

I brought my gaze to the ground "I don't know John... I can't seem to forgive him. I mean even if let's say I do forget what he did, we don't even know the kind of person he is now. What if I get my hopes up and he doesn't even show up? I'd feel as if he abandoned me again"

"But you are not alone. I'm here for you Alex" he said, sadness clouded his features.

The corner of my mouth quirked up, "Thank you John" I said resuming my walking "I'll try to get in touch with him"

**.****-Time skip**-

**Wedding day**

**Third person's POV**

John held the bouquet ready for the ceremony his hands twinged with sweat. He was nervous. Incredibly so. His heart ran with legs like a runner. His eyebrows frowned in worry and impatience. He glanced at the bouquet ready to keep well away from the plants which were still beautifully deadly. They carried an otherworldly trance. He gulped. It was nearly time.

The place buzzed with excited chatter and children ran between the tables in a good natured game of tag. Then the both grooms entered, applause spread across the place. The Schyuler sisters tried their best to not shed any tears, but of course easier to be said than done. There was the scraping of chairs as folks got up for a standing ovation and the happy couple made their way to the head table, smiling and holding hands. They sat in front of a bouquet of baby pink roses and the Alex leaned in for a kiss. There were cheers and someone whooped. After a few moments the toastmaster, Lafayette, rose from his chair and everyone else sat down. The sound of his teaspoon rapping on the side of his wineglass signalled everyone to silence, except the children who were shushed by their parents.

He congratulated the newly wed couple and went back to his sitting position next to Hercules.

Alex and John smiled happily. Alex gazed nostalgically to the chair across their table which was empty. Alexander was successful at contacting his father who was still living in Londres. He had promised to go to the wedding but he never arrived. Alex put the sad thoughts to the side and focused on what was happening on that very moment. Even though his father hurted him once more, he wasn't alone this time. John was there for him.

**Alex's POV**

Everyone told me the day would be a blur, that you won't remember any of it, but I was determined to prove them wrong. I took notes on scratch pieces of paper and, later, after it was over and we were in the car to the hotel, on my cell phone, capturing everything I remembered in case it would mean something later. It did mean something later. And it didn't. It's hard to explain.

There were the bumble bees beforehand, yellow and black and dancing across the little pink flowers I don't know the name of. They were just bees, but because I was noticing them, noticing on that day in particular, they seemed to mean something more. Then, after the ceremony and before the dancing, the sliver of a moon hanging pale in the near dusk above the pine and oak trees of John's parent's farm we had an outdoor wedding in early summer. I remember the way my sister in law smirked at us as she carried two full glasses of beer to her table. I remember greeting the long line of people who had come to celebrate with us (although, I don't remember all their names!) as they waited in line for dinner. It meant the world to me that all of our friends were there, I wish my mom would have been there too. I remember the way we danced to that first song, the way we danced to all the ones afterward. I remember it because I took notes, like good writers do.

But it's the things I didn't take notes on I remember the most: the way I cried when I first saw him in that elegant suit, he looked so handsome. The way I couldn't stop crying afterwards, and how I felt both embarrassed and glad for my crying, embarrassed because crying in public is still hard, and glad because it means something when you cry on your wedding day. I remember the way I lifted our clasped hands after we were announced, and how I felt something in between, "We did it," and, "Holy Crap."

I remember my blood waking up my brain the moment I saw him walking towards me, though I thought myself already awake. My smile grew of its own accord and I could have either let him see what he ignited or hide it, either way he's the most fun thing in my world.

I remerber how John's face exploted into this radiant smile and his green eyes shined like the sun. My insides melting. I'm the one that put that look there.

But most of all, I remember leaving, sitting in the back of my Honda while a groomsman drove us into our new life, and realizing everything was different and yet exactly the same. There was no drama, no relief, no mystery. It did not even feel like a beginning, although it was in so many ways. Instead, it felt like Alexander, like me, like it has always felt. But also like John, because he was sitting right there holding my hand, as he would hold it for the rest of our lives. Yes, it felt like that, like Alex John. I would remember that.

"We did it" John said in an almost unaudible whispers. But I did hear it.

"Yes we did" I answered. I stared deep into his green eyes, I cupped his cheek that was slowly turning red. I smiled at him before slowly I leaned into him.Softly kissing his lips. Sparks flew in every direction, and the world was slowly disappearing around us, along with all of our worries, our troubles and our problems. He made me feel like none of that mattered. It was a small yet warm kiss.I felt his hands on the back of my neck play with the ends of my ponytail. A smile grew on my face as it started to tickle, finally we pulled apart.

"Thank you for showing me what love is John" I said unconsiously. The silly smile still not leaving my face.

"Thank you too Alexander" he replied and we kissed once more.

One thought slowly taking over my mind.

Love is just a word until you find the right person to show it to.

**The end**.

**Here t****he story officially ends.**

**Thank you so much for reading it. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writting it****.**

**Farewells and thank you so much for your support!**


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